Christmas is almost over.. an hour to go, according to our clock here in toronto.
i have to admit i'm a little sad about christmas being over.. for me, christmas is something far greater then an excuse to give and get gifts.
i love that extra time we can spend with our families and loved ones. i do .. i really love that feeling.
merry christmas everyone. hope everyone had a wonderful day, and hope everyone who is going through a hard time also found some peace today.
much love you guys!
20.12.08
customers can go suck my
was at work today, obviously, and was so busy, i didn't get a chance to take a break to eat.
why are people who need HELP so fucking rude?
they come to me to get help, swear at me, tell me that i'm useless, then wait till i help them and then they leave. my manager tells me to "let customers vent" .... .... is she fucking kidding me?
let them vent? what the hell is that supposed to mean? okay fine, they can stand there and kiss their teeth while they wait because there are only two people working at a time, and fine, they can swear and ask me why i'm not helping them even though the person i am helping was there before them, FINE okay okay, they can swear at me also, but BUT the fuckers CANNOT insult me, i don't care who it is, i will talk back. i think people think they can get away with murder when it comes to customer service. i'm a little person, very petite, and i think that makes some fucking huge elephant sized women and men think they can intimidate me, not until they try. when i refuse to help them, i feel good.
my manager on the other hand is an idiot who only cares about sales and numbers, ofcourse, she does need her bonus, which makes me want to drop kick her on the face. bitch.
my concern with companies like mine, which shall remain anonymous here, are such users. why do they let fucking people walk all over their employees and expect people to stand there and take shit from these fuckers all day?
they're pathetic if they think people always end up being like that. i say my mind to these fucking people, if you can't communicate with me in a professional manner, in a fucking professional environment, because bitch i don't know you and don't give a shit about you either, then i will REFUSE to fucking even look at you, try me. there should be a bill passed to protect people who work in places like i do, where i'm scared that one of these people will walk behind the counter and slash me. ugh.
i think a lot of you can relate and know exactly what i am talking about.
which kind of sucks, i think we as a society are utterly depressed and sadistic people.
and some people just need to be thrown off the face of the planet. agreed?
19.12.08
schooltronics.
okay okay i'm alive!
i have been missing for a while, needless to say, i have somehow managed to get a little life out of myself.
i miss writing here, i feel like i can speak my heart out over here.
okay so, i don't know if i mentioned school at all, but school is starting for me in january.. .. .. .. eeeek. it has been put off far too many times (two to be exact), now i'm happy yet nervous, yet feel a little pressured about school.
i'm a little scared now, not that it's something i don't like, it's something i love, but i still feel a little sad, you know, having to wake up and do assignments and exams :'( ooo.
well, i'm going to be taking fashion arts, that excites me, but also reminds me of the "special" classmates i'll have. a friend who has taken the course has warned me of the ditzy chicks i'll be meeting, and who will be dropping out almost daily.. yay?
well hope it's going to be a fun ride, and that i get as much as i need out of this.
i'll blog again SOOON i promise : ).
need to sleep before work :(
goodnight and au revoir
i have been missing for a while, needless to say, i have somehow managed to get a little life out of myself.
i miss writing here, i feel like i can speak my heart out over here.
okay so, i don't know if i mentioned school at all, but school is starting for me in january.. .. .. .. eeeek. it has been put off far too many times (two to be exact), now i'm happy yet nervous, yet feel a little pressured about school.
i'm a little scared now, not that it's something i don't like, it's something i love, but i still feel a little sad, you know, having to wake up and do assignments and exams :'( ooo.
well, i'm going to be taking fashion arts, that excites me, but also reminds me of the "special" classmates i'll have. a friend who has taken the course has warned me of the ditzy chicks i'll be meeting, and who will be dropping out almost daily.. yay?
well hope it's going to be a fun ride, and that i get as much as i need out of this.
i'll blog again SOOON i promise : ).
need to sleep before work :(
goodnight and au revoir
3.12.08
friends? do you mean the tv show?
remember kids, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
(just imagine your parents telling you this at a young age, i sure wish mine did, hehe.)
it's a fact, agreed?
discuss.
(just imagine your parents telling you this at a young age, i sure wish mine did, hehe.)
it's a fact, agreed?
discuss.
25.11.08
lost me, somewhere in the crowd.
so a stranger now - friend once- decided to re-enter my life today. i was happy for a split second, i truly was. now i feel sadder than ever.
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx
23.11.08
if you're racist and you know it, kill yourself ♪
i'd like to touch base on racism and why it annoys me so much.
i think people naturally are retarded.
a friend shared a video with me that honestly shocked me.
the sad thing is, when i went to europe this summer, we couldn't go to a single club because they were always "vip" or "completely full" or "25+". i remember one night that everyone decided we'd go out, considering that most of us were from canada and were in europe for the first time.
we were all people of colour, hence it was a problem.
it made me sick, because my cousins were used to it. they said that after a few times, you get used to the rejection. it made me SICK.
i do not tolerate any form of racism whatsoever. i don't think anyone should.
i hate racist people! damn you racist fucks!
i think people naturally are retarded.
a friend shared a video with me that honestly shocked me.
the sad thing is, when i went to europe this summer, we couldn't go to a single club because they were always "vip" or "completely full" or "25+". i remember one night that everyone decided we'd go out, considering that most of us were from canada and were in europe for the first time.
we were all people of colour, hence it was a problem.
it made me sick, because my cousins were used to it. they said that after a few times, you get used to the rejection. it made me SICK.
i do not tolerate any form of racism whatsoever. i don't think anyone should.
i hate racist people! damn you racist fucks!
18.11.08
14.11.08
proposition h8te.
i haven't blogged in like a million years, which sucks! but i swear i've been swamped at work and now i'm trying to take up some other projects like fixing/redecorating my room, sewing a few things i've been meaning to, and i want to paint something for my room too.
and i think of wonderful things to blog about when i'm on the bus, on my way to work.. and forget by the time i'm at work, or home.
anywho i wanted to touch base on proposition 8, or as some call it proposition HATE.
and i'm afraid, but i consider it hateful too.
how can a place like california (oh em gee) consider banning a right that every human has?
as some of you may know, gay marriage is legal in toronto, which makes me proud to be from toronto.. and at the same time makes me question, why do we need to legalize something that is already a human right?
aren't we as humans understanding enough to think that we all want to marry? or are we all just plain assholes who are against something that everyone should be able to do, or not to do.
if you ever go back to my other posts, you'll see that i'm not the biggest fan of marriage, because as we all know, most of them end up in divorce. but my point with this post is to say, we're all equal and what right does the next person have to change or determine what i do in my life.
my ex-asshole was against gay relationships and abortions, and i told him to his face, that after he mentioned those things to me, he was half the person he was before i knew that about him. and i hate on him for being such a dumb, pathetic asshole. he hated on his sister for a good year after she had an abortion, what an asshole hence he is an ex, added on to all the other things that make me want to hunt him down and skin his penis.
everyone has the right to do whatever they want, this is 2008, and it makes me sick to even think that people have a right to say what they want to say against someone else, fuckers.
i'm angry because people are ignorant fucks.
UGHHHHH.
and i think of wonderful things to blog about when i'm on the bus, on my way to work.. and forget by the time i'm at work, or home.
anywho i wanted to touch base on proposition 8, or as some call it proposition HATE.
and i'm afraid, but i consider it hateful too.
how can a place like california (oh em gee) consider banning a right that every human has?
as some of you may know, gay marriage is legal in toronto, which makes me proud to be from toronto.. and at the same time makes me question, why do we need to legalize something that is already a human right?
aren't we as humans understanding enough to think that we all want to marry? or are we all just plain assholes who are against something that everyone should be able to do, or not to do.
if you ever go back to my other posts, you'll see that i'm not the biggest fan of marriage, because as we all know, most of them end up in divorce. but my point with this post is to say, we're all equal and what right does the next person have to change or determine what i do in my life.
my ex-asshole was against gay relationships and abortions, and i told him to his face, that after he mentioned those things to me, he was half the person he was before i knew that about him. and i hate on him for being such a dumb, pathetic asshole. he hated on his sister for a good year after she had an abortion, what an asshole hence he is an ex, added on to all the other things that make me want to hunt him down and skin his penis.
everyone has the right to do whatever they want, this is 2008, and it makes me sick to even think that people have a right to say what they want to say against someone else, fuckers.
i'm angry because people are ignorant fucks.
UGHHHHH.
4.11.08
ass.
so i'm here to bitch again.. sort of.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
3.11.08
home sweet home
i don't think i ever appreciate my home as much as i do during cold winter days or hot humid summer days.
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
26.10.08
my brother.
i'm a little sad,
and this is because i feel so strongly for a friend on the blogs here, sarah, who blogs on www.girllikesgirl.blogspot.com, she is an awesome person, you can tell just by reading what she writes, and you can almost feel what she writes.
she is going through a rough time, and it reminds me of some moments which were barely similar, but somewhat painful. nothing can compare to what she is feeling though. much love for you sarah!
i'm sad because i miss my brother, i haven't seen him since i was fourteen.
in my family, we are 5 siblings and both my parents are still here with us, and i love them to death. i love my parents oh so much. i really do. as a family, we've been through A LOT in life and not seeing one of our family members has dug out a big hole in our household. i'm crying as a type. i can't help it. as soon as i start talking about my brother, i get very emotional.. because i'm a bit angry at him.
see, my brother was the oldest out of all the siblings, and i'm the youngest. we were always very close, and i'm angry that he doesn't bother calling us. infact, we don't even know where he is.
he left angry. he was dating a woman who was basically a witch. she is an older woman, about my mother's age, with a son who is 25, (my brother is 32 now). which makes it totalllly awkward.
at first, we didn't say anything about her, we accepted her because love is blind, and apparently stupid too.
we didn't mind her, we were sweet to her, me and my two sisters tried hard to make her comfortable in the household. but it was weird, i was a bit young to understand, and didn't get why she was always avoiding our family. she disrespected my family several times, and she didn't like my mother, who i swear is the sweetest woman anyone will ever meet, she didn't like me or my sisters.
she did the weirdest things, and i won't get into it. she didn't tell us about her son, or her past, she claimed she was 27... and yeah.. she didn't look it.
she stayed with us for a few days and so this gave me a chance to get into her stuff one night when she was out with my brother.
we got some i.d. from her bag and there it was, her fake name on a passport. her birthday, and pictures of her old son.
we didn't know what to do. we acted like we never saw it.
eventually she made my father so angry that he made my brother pick between her and us.
and as you can tell .. he picked her. and left our house. and we haven't seen him since.
he called us every now and then, but hasn't called in over two years.
this is hard on my mother, she cried for about 6 months straight. was miserable. and now still misses him ofcourse.
i don't know what to expect.
my dad doesn't mention him to anyone anymore, it's like he never exsisted.
i can't talk about him in front of my mom, it just crushes her.
i don't know what to do. he may read this.. i hope he does, and i hope he knows who is writing this.
i miss him alot, i can't believe it has been 5 years, and i've cried alot.. and i really want to see my brother again. the last time i spoke to him was when i was in the hospital, dying, he decided to call, and i didn't want to talk to him, i was angry, i wish i begged him to come. i wish i did.
i can't stop crying. so i'll stop talking about him. i'm so depressed about this. i don't know what to do.
xx
and this is because i feel so strongly for a friend on the blogs here, sarah, who blogs on www.girllikesgirl.blogspot.com, she is an awesome person, you can tell just by reading what she writes, and you can almost feel what she writes.
she is going through a rough time, and it reminds me of some moments which were barely similar, but somewhat painful. nothing can compare to what she is feeling though. much love for you sarah!
i'm sad because i miss my brother, i haven't seen him since i was fourteen.
in my family, we are 5 siblings and both my parents are still here with us, and i love them to death. i love my parents oh so much. i really do. as a family, we've been through A LOT in life and not seeing one of our family members has dug out a big hole in our household. i'm crying as a type. i can't help it. as soon as i start talking about my brother, i get very emotional.. because i'm a bit angry at him.
see, my brother was the oldest out of all the siblings, and i'm the youngest. we were always very close, and i'm angry that he doesn't bother calling us. infact, we don't even know where he is.
he left angry. he was dating a woman who was basically a witch. she is an older woman, about my mother's age, with a son who is 25, (my brother is 32 now). which makes it totalllly awkward.
at first, we didn't say anything about her, we accepted her because love is blind, and apparently stupid too.
we didn't mind her, we were sweet to her, me and my two sisters tried hard to make her comfortable in the household. but it was weird, i was a bit young to understand, and didn't get why she was always avoiding our family. she disrespected my family several times, and she didn't like my mother, who i swear is the sweetest woman anyone will ever meet, she didn't like me or my sisters.
she did the weirdest things, and i won't get into it. she didn't tell us about her son, or her past, she claimed she was 27... and yeah.. she didn't look it.
she stayed with us for a few days and so this gave me a chance to get into her stuff one night when she was out with my brother.
we got some i.d. from her bag and there it was, her fake name on a passport. her birthday, and pictures of her old son.
we didn't know what to do. we acted like we never saw it.
eventually she made my father so angry that he made my brother pick between her and us.
and as you can tell .. he picked her. and left our house. and we haven't seen him since.
he called us every now and then, but hasn't called in over two years.
this is hard on my mother, she cried for about 6 months straight. was miserable. and now still misses him ofcourse.
i don't know what to expect.
my dad doesn't mention him to anyone anymore, it's like he never exsisted.
i can't talk about him in front of my mom, it just crushes her.
i don't know what to do. he may read this.. i hope he does, and i hope he knows who is writing this.
i miss him alot, i can't believe it has been 5 years, and i've cried alot.. and i really want to see my brother again. the last time i spoke to him was when i was in the hospital, dying, he decided to call, and i didn't want to talk to him, i was angry, i wish i begged him to come. i wish i did.
i can't stop crying. so i'll stop talking about him. i'm so depressed about this. i don't know what to do.
xx
stupid me!
Oh God.
i miss the MOST important meeting, which was a conference call, for work and now i feel stupid.
this is for my new job and everyone is super nice.
though i have a good excuse, because i'm not feeling well at all, i still feel terrible, but i guess telling them the truth will help.
well i left my manager a message, and all she said was . Ok..
what a bunch of horse shit!
wish me luck, i go in bright and early, and feeling stupid. :'(
xx
i miss the MOST important meeting, which was a conference call, for work and now i feel stupid.
this is for my new job and everyone is super nice.
though i have a good excuse, because i'm not feeling well at all, i still feel terrible, but i guess telling them the truth will help.
well i left my manager a message, and all she said was . Ok..
what a bunch of horse shit!
wish me luck, i go in bright and early, and feeling stupid. :'(
xx
23.10.08
my fat head.
okay so i'm panicing, but no one in my house is up to check this for me.
i think i have a fat flab on the back of my head. i may cry.
but.. it only appears when i tilt my head far enough.
this sucks. :'(
i mean i'm okay with being pudgy, but we're talking back-head-flabs here.
i've only seen this on bald men.
ahhhhhh :'(
i'm going to get my sister to check first thing tomorrow.
i swear. don't laugh.
i can't find a picture either.
i think i have a fat flab on the back of my head. i may cry.
but.. it only appears when i tilt my head far enough.
this sucks. :'(
i mean i'm okay with being pudgy, but we're talking back-head-flabs here.
i've only seen this on bald men.
ahhhhhh :'(
i'm going to get my sister to check first thing tomorrow.
i swear. don't laugh.
i can't find a picture either.
22.10.08
i found me.
i am/want to pursue and become:
a journalist
an author
a fashion designer
a magazine owner
a real estate agent
a human rights activist
a make up artist
i don't know why i have so many different aspirations but i am very happy with them all and somehow, i see them all coming true sooner or later in my lifetime.
right now.. i'm working on my real estate license, and let me tell you it's BORING but will be worth it for me.
i am going to start studying fashion in a few months, and will be studying journalism right after.
i have already worked as a make up artist and plan on continuing to do so as i get the opportunities.
as for my magazine and designs, those i plan on starting once i get myself on a good roll, i.e. i'm done school for good.
i will try to battle the world of human rights through my writing.
i think having many interests is just as hard as having no interests.
i am confident in that i know where i hope to take my life in the near future.
i think these were the hardest decisions of my life..and somehow, i see them changing as a grow as a person.
it happens.
i think pursuing your dreams just makes you a step closer to self-realization.
i mean i bet we're all soul searching and while doing so, i have put myself through a lot.
i have taken others down with me, while i have boosted some.
i have lost friends, made new ones and have realized the importance of family and self worth.
the love and respect i have for myself, i would have never had, had i not made the mistakes i did make.
mistakes help one find the little glitches in life that make us whole.
okay that's enough philosophical thinking for one sitting.
much loves.
xx
a journalist
an author
a fashion designer
a magazine owner
a real estate agent
a human rights activist
a make up artist
i don't know why i have so many different aspirations but i am very happy with them all and somehow, i see them all coming true sooner or later in my lifetime.
right now.. i'm working on my real estate license, and let me tell you it's BORING but will be worth it for me.
i am going to start studying fashion in a few months, and will be studying journalism right after.
i have already worked as a make up artist and plan on continuing to do so as i get the opportunities.
as for my magazine and designs, those i plan on starting once i get myself on a good roll, i.e. i'm done school for good.
i will try to battle the world of human rights through my writing.
i think having many interests is just as hard as having no interests.
i am confident in that i know where i hope to take my life in the near future.
i think these were the hardest decisions of my life..and somehow, i see them changing as a grow as a person.
it happens.
i think pursuing your dreams just makes you a step closer to self-realization.
i mean i bet we're all soul searching and while doing so, i have put myself through a lot.
i have taken others down with me, while i have boosted some.
i have lost friends, made new ones and have realized the importance of family and self worth.
the love and respect i have for myself, i would have never had, had i not made the mistakes i did make.
mistakes help one find the little glitches in life that make us whole.
okay that's enough philosophical thinking for one sitting.
much loves.
xx
20.10.08
MIA!
hiiii guys.
i've been missing in action due to the two new jobs.
as you can tell.. it is a bit hectic for me because i still need to get used to the routine.
otherwise.. i have loads of stories i want to tell you, but won't be until later on this week..
so if you miss me, i miss you too.
hehaha.
i'm soo tired, beyond belief i don't have a day off.. until.. i don't even know. which sad in a sense.
anywho
much loves readers : )
xx
s.a
i've been missing in action due to the two new jobs.
as you can tell.. it is a bit hectic for me because i still need to get used to the routine.
otherwise.. i have loads of stories i want to tell you, but won't be until later on this week..
so if you miss me, i miss you too.
hehaha.
i'm soo tired, beyond belief i don't have a day off.. until.. i don't even know. which sad in a sense.
anywho
much loves readers : )
xx
s.a
17.10.08
fuck work, give me money everyone :D
i don't know how people do it.
i just got a second part-time job today and i didn't even start work yet, and i can feel myself stressing.
i just started work recently.. i had an injury right before the summer, i'll tell you guys about it another time, right now i'm still in agony from the tooth..or teeth i don't know, well that injury cost me my ex-job and so now that i have returned to the work force, i've gone in full force and for the first time i'll be trying two jobs at once and i'm so scared.
i don't want them to interfere and the second job's manager scares me. she knows i have another job and so is a bit compassionate, doesn't make me less scared though.
let's see where it takes me.
and job #1 is annoying me with intensive training.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( i'm dyingggggg of stress and a broken-jaw type pain.
UGH.
i just got a second part-time job today and i didn't even start work yet, and i can feel myself stressing.
i just started work recently.. i had an injury right before the summer, i'll tell you guys about it another time, right now i'm still in agony from the tooth..or teeth i don't know, well that injury cost me my ex-job and so now that i have returned to the work force, i've gone in full force and for the first time i'll be trying two jobs at once and i'm so scared.
i don't want them to interfere and the second job's manager scares me. she knows i have another job and so is a bit compassionate, doesn't make me less scared though.
let's see where it takes me.
and job #1 is annoying me with intensive training.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( i'm dyingggggg of stress and a broken-jaw type pain.
UGH.
16.10.08
booby-eyed bastard.
today was the my first day on the new job and i work with customers, so the first one i got was this older man.. seemed like he never left his house. he came up to me, uncomfortably close and started to criticize my company (i could care less at first). the i noticed his eyes going from my eyes to my boobs, eyes-boobs-eyes-boobs, and he didn't stop doing that until he shut up and walked away. i would turn away a little and he'd look at my butt, then i'd cross my arms, still did that. it wasn't that i was wearing anything revealing, i was wearing something work appropriate. i wanted to kick him on his tiny balls, really hard. i wish i had, but then i'd get fired and such. but when he walked away, i was quick to tell the other two girls i was working with and we stood there in disgust.
so that's my story for today, i'm sure i'll bring you many more unfortunately.
so that's my story for today, i'm sure i'll bring you many more unfortunately.
xx
wisdom teeth.
i have a killer headache and can't move my jaw due to these pieces of shit.
really, who named these teeth wisdom teeth? ridiculous name for this painful ordeal.
my brain feels like it's getting squished, though it's just my tempo aching in this sharp, annoying pain.
i've had this for over a week now, yeah i was thinking about going to the doctors because i didn't know what it was, but now, i think it's the growing old teeth coming in.. my poor ear is mangled in this ordeal!
< - - so you can have one too. yaay headache.
AHHHHHH .. i wish i could do that out loud, but i can't..
as i type.. i am thinking in a monotone voice and it's making me want to laugh... but i can't.
AHHHH :'( so i'll sit here, in pain. actually no, i'm taking some sort of extra strength pain killer like right now.. or when i get up.
anywho
wisdom teeth are pointless, and so we should banish the gene that causes them.. is that possible?
actually no. everyone should feel the pain i am feeling right now. yes, that means you, and you and even YOU.
UGH. bye.
really, who named these teeth wisdom teeth? ridiculous name for this painful ordeal.
my brain feels like it's getting squished, though it's just my tempo aching in this sharp, annoying pain.
i've had this for over a week now, yeah i was thinking about going to the doctors because i didn't know what it was, but now, i think it's the growing old teeth coming in.. my poor ear is mangled in this ordeal!< - - so you can have one too. yaay headache.
AHHHHHH .. i wish i could do that out loud, but i can't..
as i type.. i am thinking in a monotone voice and it's making me want to laugh... but i can't.
AHHHH :'( so i'll sit here, in pain. actually no, i'm taking some sort of extra strength pain killer like right now.. or when i get up.
anywho
wisdom teeth are pointless, and so we should banish the gene that causes them.. is that possible?
actually no. everyone should feel the pain i am feeling right now. yes, that means you, and you and even YOU.
UGH. bye.
15.10.08
poppy-cock ..i mean corn.
i just ate an entire bag of popcorn, don't get me wrong, i do this very often. but i feel guilty afterwards.. but there's something about popcorn that i can't resist. mmmm..
rude people should go die.
is it just me or are people getting ruder by the freaking minute?
there are those who just make unnecessary comments, then those who take physical actions that make them look stupid.
there are so many pet peeves that i have that make cringe when it comes to people;
people texting or talking on the phone when others are around, it's SO annoying. and how do you approach these people?
i had a friend who was always on the phone, and she would just answer her phone/talk on it for hours, ignoring everyone else and i wanted to punch her nose in.
then there's the guy who can't stop texting, equally ANNOYING.
there's that lady who was never on time at work, there were two of them actually, they would both take the longest breaks, you know 4 hour long breaks for an 8 hour shift, i'm dead serious. one of them actually went in to do her taxes during one of these breaks, and never came back to work, well came in 10 mins before her shift ended to sign out. stupid bitch.
it sucked because the rest of the girls would cover up for these fully grown women, in their 40s!
okay another thing was being ignored, my cousin's girlfriend, i hope she reads this someday. what she would do is pretend she didn't hear you. you would be having a conversation and then bam. the conversation ended but you didn't know. it was quite sad, i did talk to my cousins sister, my other cousin about this, and she said his girlfriend was "just like that". she deserves a kick on the tit. thank god she lives in germany and i don't have to see her face hopefully ever again.
okay so, when you try to help a friend out, when they are either doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them, and they counter attack you, thinking you were trying to be rude, like fuck off.
then there's the friend who doesn't stop talking about a particular person, that they are dating or like, i mean okay fine, i'll listen to you for a minute or two, but fuck off, i don't care what he said about this other girl. if i hear this one girl talk about this guy again, i'm going to pull out my own hair, one by one.
and because i have worked one on one with customers, i have started to chronically hate people.
they can be so rude, and i'm talking mainly about women, those who think other people are below them, bitch, if i wasn't at work, i'd rip off your scalp, take out your brain and shove it up your ass. if you have been through this, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.
i can't believe some people. seriously.
i'm sure you all have your own experiences with people in your life, who have either ruined your day or parts of your life.
i guess you have to learn to either ignore them or approach them straight in the face, especially if they are your friends, it's hard, but you have to try.
ughhhh.
there are those who just make unnecessary comments, then those who take physical actions that make them look stupid.
there are so many pet peeves that i have that make cringe when it comes to people;
people texting or talking on the phone when others are around, it's SO annoying. and how do you approach these people?
i had a friend who was always on the phone, and she would just answer her phone/talk on it for hours, ignoring everyone else and i wanted to punch her nose in.
then there's the guy who can't stop texting, equally ANNOYING.
there's that lady who was never on time at work, there were two of them actually, they would both take the longest breaks, you know 4 hour long breaks for an 8 hour shift, i'm dead serious. one of them actually went in to do her taxes during one of these breaks, and never came back to work, well came in 10 mins before her shift ended to sign out. stupid bitch.
it sucked because the rest of the girls would cover up for these fully grown women, in their 40s!
okay another thing was being ignored, my cousin's girlfriend, i hope she reads this someday. what she would do is pretend she didn't hear you. you would be having a conversation and then bam. the conversation ended but you didn't know. it was quite sad, i did talk to my cousins sister, my other cousin about this, and she said his girlfriend was "just like that". she deserves a kick on the tit. thank god she lives in germany and i don't have to see her face hopefully ever again.
okay so, when you try to help a friend out, when they are either doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them, and they counter attack you, thinking you were trying to be rude, like fuck off.
then there's the friend who doesn't stop talking about a particular person, that they are dating or like, i mean okay fine, i'll listen to you for a minute or two, but fuck off, i don't care what he said about this other girl. if i hear this one girl talk about this guy again, i'm going to pull out my own hair, one by one.
and because i have worked one on one with customers, i have started to chronically hate people.
they can be so rude, and i'm talking mainly about women, those who think other people are below them, bitch, if i wasn't at work, i'd rip off your scalp, take out your brain and shove it up your ass. if you have been through this, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.
i can't believe some people. seriously.
i'm sure you all have your own experiences with people in your life, who have either ruined your day or parts of your life.
i guess you have to learn to either ignore them or approach them straight in the face, especially if they are your friends, it's hard, but you have to try.
ughhhh.
14.10.08
life is food.
boredboredbored.life is slow at the moment, nothing exciting.
i'm just looking forward to starting school in january, but still need to work that out.
i want cheesecake.. still craving it.. it's been a month now. i think i should whip out the apron and cook up some cheesecake.. apple caramel flavour anyone?
just looking at it makes me drool, seriously.
now someone make me some cheesecake si vous plait cheries <3
food is a big part of life, and i appreciate good food, seriously. i don't care that i'm pudgy, refer to some old post about my love for pudgy women, yum.
xx FOOD.
11.10.08
i love animals.
i'm bored, so i'll give you my thoughts about animal cruelty and peta, the hated/loved organization.
i love animals, alot.
i've always loved them, with a passion, especially dogs, but i love all sorts of animals.
the thing is, growing up, my parents always taught me to care about the living things around me, we didn't have much at the time, but with whatever we had, if we could help someone or an animal, we would.
i mean when i was way young, about 6 or so, we were still living in india, my dad and i were walking home and saw a pigeon bleeding and cooing in pain. we saw that it was alive and with a closer look noticed it had a pellet from a gun in it's wing.
we felt terrible that someone just left it there to die and took it home.
see the thing is, in india, there aren't any facilities for these animals, hell there aren't many for humans, hence we took her home. i'll call it a her, because it seemed like a nice bird :).
my parents nursed it to health and withing a month or so, the pigeon was all well and eager to fly away, and so we let it go.
and this story, and many similar ones are repeated again and again in our lives. we've helped many birds, many kittens and cats in bad situations.
there's this instinct that i get from my parents, for being nice to living things if you can.
even plants, my mum feels bad for them if we leave them out during cold nights and such, i think this just shows you how caring of a person she is, and believe me, the nicest person ever (i'm so lucky :) ).
i love my babies cherry and betsey, i think they're the epitome of my dull life.
see with me and animals, it really bugs me when people abuse their pets or animals.
i'm not an activist, but the way some animals are killed, it isn't right, it's really cruel, i mean yes we eat them, but that doesn't mean we need to treat them like shit, i think we should embrace animals for feeding us and keeping us alive with their milk and such.
personally, i'm pretty close to being a vegan, not pure, but close enough.
the only meat i like is chicken, on occasion. i'm not a fan of anything else.
and i enjoy the occasional seafood (very rarely).
i'm supposed to like seafood because my ethnic background is from a tropical area, on the gulf of oman (check globes bitches), southern iran, all we eat is fish (kay exaggerated).
anywho i'm getting carried off..
i talk alot, and apparently i type alot too, and most of it is b...s.. :(
but yes
don't you dare hurt animals, they can't talk :(
i'll kill the next fucker who hurts a poor animal, and i find out about it. i kill you bitch.
kays guys i think i should stop here.. before i keep going.. uh.. BYEEEE
xx
i love animals, alot.
i've always loved them, with a passion, especially dogs, but i love all sorts of animals.
the thing is, growing up, my parents always taught me to care about the living things around me, we didn't have much at the time, but with whatever we had, if we could help someone or an animal, we would.
i mean when i was way young, about 6 or so, we were still living in india, my dad and i were walking home and saw a pigeon bleeding and cooing in pain. we saw that it was alive and with a closer look noticed it had a pellet from a gun in it's wing.
we felt terrible that someone just left it there to die and took it home.
see the thing is, in india, there aren't any facilities for these animals, hell there aren't many for humans, hence we took her home. i'll call it a her, because it seemed like a nice bird :).
my parents nursed it to health and withing a month or so, the pigeon was all well and eager to fly away, and so we let it go.
and this story, and many similar ones are repeated again and again in our lives. we've helped many birds, many kittens and cats in bad situations.
there's this instinct that i get from my parents, for being nice to living things if you can.
even plants, my mum feels bad for them if we leave them out during cold nights and such, i think this just shows you how caring of a person she is, and believe me, the nicest person ever (i'm so lucky :) ).
i love my babies cherry and betsey, i think they're the epitome of my dull life.
see with me and animals, it really bugs me when people abuse their pets or animals.
i'm not an activist, but the way some animals are killed, it isn't right, it's really cruel, i mean yes we eat them, but that doesn't mean we need to treat them like shit, i think we should embrace animals for feeding us and keeping us alive with their milk and such.
personally, i'm pretty close to being a vegan, not pure, but close enough.
the only meat i like is chicken, on occasion. i'm not a fan of anything else.
and i enjoy the occasional seafood (very rarely).
i'm supposed to like seafood because my ethnic background is from a tropical area, on the gulf of oman (check globes bitches), southern iran, all we eat is fish (kay exaggerated).
anywho i'm getting carried off..
i talk alot, and apparently i type alot too, and most of it is b...s.. :(
but yes
don't you dare hurt animals, they can't talk :(
i'll kill the next fucker who hurts a poor animal, and i find out about it. i kill you bitch.
kays guys i think i should stop here.. before i keep going.. uh.. BYEEEE
xx
10.10.08
honesty-ism yay or nay?
is honestly ALWAYS the best policy?
i really wonder if it is worth losing important people in your life, or should we stick to white lies and keep us whole?
i've lost many friends by being honest.
so here goes another story of my life from the past..
so she was a friend from when we were in middle school, we became awfully close and were basically known as one person, you the sisterly-best friend.
any who, she dated a really annoying, nasty, makes-you-sick type of guy, eventually after a year almost (oh my god i know), they broke up and eventually we could laugh at the situation (after a few long, painful months ofcourse). so we decided we would always be honest to eachother no matter what, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. and this was a pact made when we were about 14.
we were happy friends, she wasn't the nicest person to others, but she was very nice to me, she was the type of person that was scared of people who were not like her, in other words, probably as ignorant as it gets.
any who, we continued on with life, she found a new boyfriend, who was really whippable - and she enjoyed whipping him, she really did. i finally found a guy i wanted to try being in a relationship, she was 15 at the time, i was 16 (we're 10 months apart but in the same year), i know i sound like a stupid 16 year old looking for a boy, but i was a typical girl looking for her fairytale. but ofcourse there was no fairytale, me and one of the many ex's broke up after a year. i mean it was fun when we were together, we went to the movies, the ex-best friend, her gay boyfriend, me and the ex number one went on dates together, almost every weekend, we did everything together. we had alot of fun.
but that was just the fun part, so me and the ex-best friend grew apart and got closer at the same time, if you know what i mean, now we had boyfriends we could talk to, who needed a girlfriend anyways right?
her boyfriend and i had a special relationship, it's called enemies.
i hated him, he was such a whipped little bitch type guy, i hate those.
he did everything she said and more, he stopped talking to his family at 16, because she didn't like them, and what was worse was that she didn't do anything for him, not to any great extent atleast.
she also had helicopter parents and two older brothers. she was a spoiled little brat that got everything but wasn't allowed to use the bus at 16, pathetic.
so every time she had to go see her boytoy, who she wasn't really allowed to see (she wasn't allowed to date, her mother was religious and she came from a south asian decent), she would use me as an excuse (this happens alot to me, ugh) by telling her mother she was hanging out with me while she was with him, and sometimes i'd have to third wheel with her and him(UGHHH) me being stupid, i went along with it, and sat there while my best friend made out/played around with this little whipped puss guy. god how i hated him and now her too. this was a couple of days after my 17th birthday, we were three best friends, and i asked her to come to my birthday party sans her boytoy, and it would be the three girls out for dinner, you guessed it, she brought him. so it was time for me to come clean, but i couldn't do it.. so i took my time, stopped talking to her as much and eventually told her that he was a little bitch and how i hated her using me.
i really wonder if it is worth losing important people in your life, or should we stick to white lies and keep us whole?
i've lost many friends by being honest.
so here goes another story of my life from the past..
so she was a friend from when we were in middle school, we became awfully close and were basically known as one person, you the sisterly-best friend.
any who, she dated a really annoying, nasty, makes-you-sick type of guy, eventually after a year almost (oh my god i know), they broke up and eventually we could laugh at the situation (after a few long, painful months ofcourse). so we decided we would always be honest to eachother no matter what, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. and this was a pact made when we were about 14.
we were happy friends, she wasn't the nicest person to others, but she was very nice to me, she was the type of person that was scared of people who were not like her, in other words, probably as ignorant as it gets.
any who, we continued on with life, she found a new boyfriend, who was really whippable - and she enjoyed whipping him, she really did. i finally found a guy i wanted to try being in a relationship, she was 15 at the time, i was 16 (we're 10 months apart but in the same year), i know i sound like a stupid 16 year old looking for a boy, but i was a typical girl looking for her fairytale. but ofcourse there was no fairytale, me and one of the many ex's broke up after a year. i mean it was fun when we were together, we went to the movies, the ex-best friend, her gay boyfriend, me and the ex number one went on dates together, almost every weekend, we did everything together. we had alot of fun.
but that was just the fun part, so me and the ex-best friend grew apart and got closer at the same time, if you know what i mean, now we had boyfriends we could talk to, who needed a girlfriend anyways right?
her boyfriend and i had a special relationship, it's called enemies.
i hated him, he was such a whipped little bitch type guy, i hate those.
he did everything she said and more, he stopped talking to his family at 16, because she didn't like them, and what was worse was that she didn't do anything for him, not to any great extent atleast.
she also had helicopter parents and two older brothers. she was a spoiled little brat that got everything but wasn't allowed to use the bus at 16, pathetic.
so every time she had to go see her boytoy, who she wasn't really allowed to see (she wasn't allowed to date, her mother was religious and she came from a south asian decent), she would use me as an excuse (this happens alot to me, ugh) by telling her mother she was hanging out with me while she was with him, and sometimes i'd have to third wheel with her and him(UGHHH) me being stupid, i went along with it, and sat there while my best friend made out/played around with this little whipped puss guy. god how i hated him and now her too. this was a couple of days after my 17th birthday, we were three best friends, and i asked her to come to my birthday party sans her boytoy, and it would be the three girls out for dinner, you guessed it, she brought him. so it was time for me to come clean, but i couldn't do it.. so i took my time, stopped talking to her as much and eventually told her that he was a little bitch and how i hated her using me.
so she went off about me being jealous of her "relationship" and me not being in a relationship had caused me to be a bitch about hers. ugh. shut up.
any who -
we stopped talking for a year, then the other best friend wanted me to invite her to my 18th birthday, so we did and she brought the boy toy, once again, but we had invited two guys with us too, which made him a little less awkward. things weren't the same obviously, and since my 18th birthday, we haven't talked much. and now i don't talk to the other best friend either, i don't know how it all happened but it did, and i'm glad it did at an early age, rather then now, or in the future.
so back to my point, is being honest worth a relationship?
i think it is, because i've lost many friends like that, but i don't think they were worth being friends with if they thought i'd sit back and lie to them, i'd rather lose a friend then my dignity and my natural honestly.
so girls, fuck them, fuck the stupid guys who try to make you feel like shit, or use you, throw them out before they throw you out of their life, and honest is the best policy, because one way or another, the truth does eventually come out.
xx
s.a.
8.10.08
i'm sinking, oh nos!
okay so have any of you had to fix your own floors?
i mean without the contractor..
okay so the floor in my room is sinking, i have the lowest room, the basement rec room, and i can see the crack in the tiles i have and how theyre breaking because of HOW my room is sinking.
i'm not worried, but it's so annoying to avoid the cracks in order to have my table just right, straight. ugh.
so i want to re-do my room, i sound so handy :)
but the thing is, i don't know how hard it's going to be, and the overall cost..
so if you guys have any idea about this, or have recently done your floors, what do you suggest?
should we hire someone, or do you think i can do this on my own for a fraction of the price with the help of home-depot and a few friends?
do tell!
thankies.
xx
i mean without the contractor..
okay so the floor in my room is sinking, i have the lowest room, the basement rec room, and i can see the crack in the tiles i have and how theyre breaking because of HOW my room is sinking.
i'm not worried, but it's so annoying to avoid the cracks in order to have my table just right, straight. ugh.
so i want to re-do my room, i sound so handy :)
but the thing is, i don't know how hard it's going to be, and the overall cost..
so if you guys have any idea about this, or have recently done your floors, what do you suggest?
should we hire someone, or do you think i can do this on my own for a fraction of the price with the help of home-depot and a few friends?
do tell!
thankies.
xx
7.10.08
who am - wait, who the hell is she?
identity crisis
are we a society in which there is no such thing as individuality?
i knew a girl who wanted to be paris hilton, i'm sure everyone knows a girl who wants to be paris hilton. but that aside, she was full of it, the hair, the brand name clothing, the "that's hot" every 15 seconds, yes you probably have guessed it, i wanted to smack her on the back of the neck real hard.
i mean the world doesn't need another paris hilton.
this girl's mother being the female equivalent to hitler, not letting her daughter do ANYTHING at all, she was a typical helicopter mom.
ugh how mad this girl made me.
she isn't the only one i see that has an identity issue, i think most of us do, it's a far more complex thing then what any of us expect.
it's more personal then what they publicly do.
so the second person i know is a woman that was a friend of my aunt in sweden. i met her this summer when i went to europe. now she isn't so young, nor is she old. she's in her early 40's and has 4 children, of whom one just recently got married and moved to another continent, another who has a bit of social problems (he was neglected as a child), one who is a complete goth, and another who is young, still in grade school.
the mother however, seems to be stuck in her teens, she has a digital camera and can't stop snapping her shots, and printing/posting them on the fridge door.
i didn't know what was more disturbing, pictures of her all over the house, pouting, or her acting as if she never had children.
i think the main idea is that i'm just sick of people being everyone else but themselves.
i mean yes i saw the actual problem with these people, the paris hilton wannabe was an ex-bestfriend. ex for a reason might i add. she was probably one of the most insecure people i have ever met. she hated herself, but the only way she hid that was by making fun of everyone she saw and just gave herself a cheap boost.
i don't like people who need to put others down to make themselves better.
i think it's disgusting and just makes them look worse then they probably intended to seem. they wanted a cheap laugh, but they just made themselves look like poop.
another thing i want to touch base on is highschool-minded-ness.
by that i mean is that highschool mentality some people have during and a lot of the times carry on with them for years after highschool. it's that jealousy they feel towards others, or the shit talking, the betrayal that may have done, which they carry on forever.
i had a first class experience with this today, a "friend" from school, from who i always felt a bit of hate from, decided she would message me after a year. she wanted to ask me how i was, blah blah, then she got to her point and there it was, she was stripped, i found out all i needed to know to confirm who i've thought she was, a jealous, cheap, bitch.
her: so, i like your pictures, they are always so pretty.
me: aw thank you.
her: but it's funny, you never let anyone take pictures of you, you always hid your face with your hand.
me: yes indeed.
what i really wanted to say: bitch, you are a stalker, a hater bitch who just wants my pictures for bullshit reasons that i don't know, probably facebook, pathetic as that seems, you are far more.
what i still don't understand is, why was it so important for her to have pictures of me, like woah bitch back off.
i don't get women, i swear, you can try to be who i am, but you can't. No. stupid bitch.
again, another angry moment, with another woman.
i don't get women, they're so fucked up seriously, why be so jealous and such.
i mean i thought all of that was over during highschool, pathetic enough, i'm the center of your world. aw, i'm flattered. really.
i mean if i start talking about me and highschool, the list, the entry, would be neverending. thanks to the girls.
anywho, i think people always want to be someone else, but these people are just insecure in their own skin, they need to look beyond what others may think and just attempt to be themselves, minus the cover, for a change.
it's harder then i thought. age doesn't make a difference, obviously.
xx.
s.a
are we a society in which there is no such thing as individuality?
i knew a girl who wanted to be paris hilton, i'm sure everyone knows a girl who wants to be paris hilton. but that aside, she was full of it, the hair, the brand name clothing, the "that's hot" every 15 seconds, yes you probably have guessed it, i wanted to smack her on the back of the neck real hard.
i mean the world doesn't need another paris hilton.
this girl's mother being the female equivalent to hitler, not letting her daughter do ANYTHING at all, she was a typical helicopter mom.
ugh how mad this girl made me.
she isn't the only one i see that has an identity issue, i think most of us do, it's a far more complex thing then what any of us expect.
it's more personal then what they publicly do.
so the second person i know is a woman that was a friend of my aunt in sweden. i met her this summer when i went to europe. now she isn't so young, nor is she old. she's in her early 40's and has 4 children, of whom one just recently got married and moved to another continent, another who has a bit of social problems (he was neglected as a child), one who is a complete goth, and another who is young, still in grade school.
the mother however, seems to be stuck in her teens, she has a digital camera and can't stop snapping her shots, and printing/posting them on the fridge door.
i didn't know what was more disturbing, pictures of her all over the house, pouting, or her acting as if she never had children.
i think the main idea is that i'm just sick of people being everyone else but themselves.
i mean yes i saw the actual problem with these people, the paris hilton wannabe was an ex-bestfriend. ex for a reason might i add. she was probably one of the most insecure people i have ever met. she hated herself, but the only way she hid that was by making fun of everyone she saw and just gave herself a cheap boost.
i don't like people who need to put others down to make themselves better.
i think it's disgusting and just makes them look worse then they probably intended to seem. they wanted a cheap laugh, but they just made themselves look like poop.
another thing i want to touch base on is highschool-minded-ness.
by that i mean is that highschool mentality some people have during and a lot of the times carry on with them for years after highschool. it's that jealousy they feel towards others, or the shit talking, the betrayal that may have done, which they carry on forever.
i had a first class experience with this today, a "friend" from school, from who i always felt a bit of hate from, decided she would message me after a year. she wanted to ask me how i was, blah blah, then she got to her point and there it was, she was stripped, i found out all i needed to know to confirm who i've thought she was, a jealous, cheap, bitch.
her: so, i like your pictures, they are always so pretty.
me: aw thank you.
her: but it's funny, you never let anyone take pictures of you, you always hid your face with your hand.
me: yes indeed.
what i really wanted to say: bitch, you are a stalker, a hater bitch who just wants my pictures for bullshit reasons that i don't know, probably facebook, pathetic as that seems, you are far more.
what i still don't understand is, why was it so important for her to have pictures of me, like woah bitch back off.
i don't get women, i swear, you can try to be who i am, but you can't. No. stupid bitch.
again, another angry moment, with another woman.
i don't get women, they're so fucked up seriously, why be so jealous and such.
i mean i thought all of that was over during highschool, pathetic enough, i'm the center of your world. aw, i'm flattered. really.
i mean if i start talking about me and highschool, the list, the entry, would be neverending. thanks to the girls.
anywho, i think people always want to be someone else, but these people are just insecure in their own skin, they need to look beyond what others may think and just attempt to be themselves, minus the cover, for a change.
it's harder then i thought. age doesn't make a difference, obviously.
xx.
s.a
6.10.08
bitches and foes
Ugh, i'm a little pissed off.
i'm not perfect, and i hate it when people judge me.
okay so i'll come clean.
i had a bad relationship/bad break up sorta thing, he cried about everything in life, just tried to make me feel guilty about everything i did in my regular life minus him. asshole. anywho.
i realized i was dating the wrong person, and that everything was pretty shitty with him, so i broke up with him, and i went back to my ex-work place, where i have alot of friends, went in to say hi and there she was, the judgemental bitch.
she has heard his side of the story, didn't even bother talking to me, but is off judging me as being a horrible person.
not to mention that i was the one saving her ass at all times.
i mean, she was never on time, she never cleaned our make up station, and she was a total all around mess. she made me angry by talking shit about me.
the only reason was that because me and her worked together, and her being over 35+, that she would have minimal respect for me atleast, and talk to me before coming to conclusion.
this is just to show you that people will be assholes no matter what you are to them.
it kind of sucks because i was ALWAYS there for her, through the rough times and whenever she needed help, i always gave her a hand, considering she doesn't know two things about her job.
sucks for her because now she is stuck at this counter, a mess it is now since i'm not there, working a job she sucks at.
but you know, i believe in karma sometimes, and this would be one of those times, i'm angry!
ugh. i deserve better.
stupid bitch.
so guys, be careful before you date/even pretend to like someone at the workplace, it can come back and bite you in the ass.
now i look like a slut/bitch in front of people who i once worked with.
but minus her, everyone else in my cosmo department is still in love with me, we're such a happy family. so the other girls aren't taking sides at all because atleast they know both sides of the story.
fuck her and her stupid self and she can go screw him for all i care.
just don't come to a conclusion that isn't completely correct.
ps. i'll get over it i swear.
ps. it's awesome to be single.
xx
i'm not perfect, and i hate it when people judge me.
okay so i'll come clean.
i had a bad relationship/bad break up sorta thing, he cried about everything in life, just tried to make me feel guilty about everything i did in my regular life minus him. asshole. anywho.
i realized i was dating the wrong person, and that everything was pretty shitty with him, so i broke up with him, and i went back to my ex-work place, where i have alot of friends, went in to say hi and there she was, the judgemental bitch.
she has heard his side of the story, didn't even bother talking to me, but is off judging me as being a horrible person.
not to mention that i was the one saving her ass at all times.
i mean, she was never on time, she never cleaned our make up station, and she was a total all around mess. she made me angry by talking shit about me.
the only reason was that because me and her worked together, and her being over 35+, that she would have minimal respect for me atleast, and talk to me before coming to conclusion.
this is just to show you that people will be assholes no matter what you are to them.
it kind of sucks because i was ALWAYS there for her, through the rough times and whenever she needed help, i always gave her a hand, considering she doesn't know two things about her job.
sucks for her because now she is stuck at this counter, a mess it is now since i'm not there, working a job she sucks at.
but you know, i believe in karma sometimes, and this would be one of those times, i'm angry!
ugh. i deserve better.
stupid bitch.
so guys, be careful before you date/even pretend to like someone at the workplace, it can come back and bite you in the ass.
now i look like a slut/bitch in front of people who i once worked with.
but minus her, everyone else in my cosmo department is still in love with me, we're such a happy family. so the other girls aren't taking sides at all because atleast they know both sides of the story.
fuck her and her stupid self and she can go screw him for all i care.
just don't come to a conclusion that isn't completely correct.
ps. i'll get over it i swear.
ps. it's awesome to be single.
xx
4.10.08
leave it be
there are people who pretend to commit to you.
these people are either friends, lovers, or even your family sometimes.
but the worst part is that they either lie, pretend or just simply forget you when they want to.
i mean it isn't that you can't have your own life, but don't pretend i'm a part of yours when i really don't exist to you.
i'm not invisible, but i can be if you just let it be, but please, please don't lie to me when you feel the need to.
it's not that i'm not here for you, and it's not that i'll leave your side, i just don't want to hear a word of any commitment coming out of your mouth, it sounds foul.
i think it's best when you leave some things be, be it that they are terrible and you may not like them. but if something is above you, and you can't do anything about it, please don't pretend that you can, especially when you very well know you can't.
twisted situations i guess.
we should just let things be as they are sometimes, and you have to learn the hard way i guess.
xx
s.a
these people are either friends, lovers, or even your family sometimes.
but the worst part is that they either lie, pretend or just simply forget you when they want to.
i mean it isn't that you can't have your own life, but don't pretend i'm a part of yours when i really don't exist to you.
i'm not invisible, but i can be if you just let it be, but please, please don't lie to me when you feel the need to.
it's not that i'm not here for you, and it's not that i'll leave your side, i just don't want to hear a word of any commitment coming out of your mouth, it sounds foul.
i think it's best when you leave some things be, be it that they are terrible and you may not like them. but if something is above you, and you can't do anything about it, please don't pretend that you can, especially when you very well know you can't.
twisted situations i guess.
we should just let things be as they are sometimes, and you have to learn the hard way i guess.
xx
s.a
3.10.08
i'm tired bitchuses.
wow, i don't think i've been this tired in a very long time.
i didn't sleep much last night, well i didn't sleep last night at all, i went to sleep at 6 in the morning, and no, i wasn't doing anything other then watching t.v. and being bored.
i just couldn't sleep. i would get in bed and start to think about stuff.
like what do i say when i get a call from someone offering me a job, but i don't want it?
yeah that's pretty random, but, BUT, what sucks is that i had alot to say. in my mind ofcourse.
ugh.
so my dogs woke up, and woke me up, along with my sister looking for stay ups to wear under a skirt. so there i was, at 10 in the morning, trying not to scream.
then i got up, and she wanted me to come with her to get her hair done, fine, i said and we went. in the cold, ugly, fall weather toronto is getting now. winter is here, yay! ... not.
her hair was done, and it was time to go shopping, we went in shopped for quite a bit and then still walking around, it hit me.
i was so very, very tired.
and there's a good but bad reason for it.
so yesterday i went to the doctors, finally got the results for my bloodtest which i mentioned last week to you guys.
everything is la-dee-da minus a few little things, the thyroids are underactive once again, bastards. the blood level is low, getting lower = not good, and the blood cells are shrinking, oh and the kidney stress (HOW? ugh.)
well, it sounds like alot, but i had no idea until i found out, i just thought that i like sleeping more, and more often, but my sudden movement change causing dizziness means something!
mister doctor told me that i will feel very tired, if i already don't, and just may feel a little weird until this fixes itself, or so we hope, lets just say i'm on a close watch just to make sure.
anywho this = me being super, duper tired.
i just want to fall asleep, but i need to do a full face make up application now, then one in the morning..at 6 am! hmph.
i'm just waiting for my sister to come in, then we go off and fix her into a great beauty.
the things i do for my sisters.
well guys, everything with me shall be fine asap. i just need to save my energy for important things like blogging and shopping, ofcourse. :)
kays. i think i'm pretty much done for today, yaaaaaaaawn.
xx
s.a
i didn't sleep much last night, well i didn't sleep last night at all, i went to sleep at 6 in the morning, and no, i wasn't doing anything other then watching t.v. and being bored.
i just couldn't sleep. i would get in bed and start to think about stuff.
like what do i say when i get a call from someone offering me a job, but i don't want it?
yeah that's pretty random, but, BUT, what sucks is that i had alot to say. in my mind ofcourse.
ugh.
so my dogs woke up, and woke me up, along with my sister looking for stay ups to wear under a skirt. so there i was, at 10 in the morning, trying not to scream.
then i got up, and she wanted me to come with her to get her hair done, fine, i said and we went. in the cold, ugly, fall weather toronto is getting now. winter is here, yay! ... not.
her hair was done, and it was time to go shopping, we went in shopped for quite a bit and then still walking around, it hit me.
i was so very, very tired.
and there's a good but bad reason for it.
so yesterday i went to the doctors, finally got the results for my bloodtest which i mentioned last week to you guys.
everything is la-dee-da minus a few little things, the thyroids are underactive once again, bastards. the blood level is low, getting lower = not good, and the blood cells are shrinking, oh and the kidney stress (HOW? ugh.)
well, it sounds like alot, but i had no idea until i found out, i just thought that i like sleeping more, and more often, but my sudden movement change causing dizziness means something!
mister doctor told me that i will feel very tired, if i already don't, and just may feel a little weird until this fixes itself, or so we hope, lets just say i'm on a close watch just to make sure.
anywho this = me being super, duper tired.
i just want to fall asleep, but i need to do a full face make up application now, then one in the morning..at 6 am! hmph.
i'm just waiting for my sister to come in, then we go off and fix her into a great beauty.
the things i do for my sisters.
well guys, everything with me shall be fine asap. i just need to save my energy for important things like blogging and shopping, ofcourse. :)
kays. i think i'm pretty much done for today, yaaaaaaaawn.
xx
s.a
2.10.08
religion and personal beliefs
i've always had a thought in mind that i wondered. it's always on the back of my head and it's about religion.
do you believe that it is right to enforce religion towards a child from birth?
i have noticed that children are told to believe things, is it just to teach them the morals of being a good human?
when i was a child, i went to church with my parents and i remember being afraid of god, i didn't know who he was, i just knew if i did something bad, i would go to hell, and so i was always afraid. i don't think that feeling like that is right for a child, and the purpose of religion isn't to scare people, i think, but is to help them follow the "rules of life" in a right way.
my parents never forced me or any of my siblings to believe in religion or anything like that, it was always a choice, but going to church back when i was a child wasn't really a choice, i just had to go. it's been years now since i've gone to church. personally, i'm not religious, i'm not an athiest, but at the same time, it's difficult for me to believe in something i do not see. i know religion is based on faith, and just plain belief, but so are fairy tales. i don't mean to offend anyone by this post, this is merely my opinion.
another situation that i can think of is a child from a family i know. she is barely a year old and sings religious songs, it's cute and all, but it makes me a little angry for some reason. only because her father is a priest and she comes from a very religious family, it makes think that they are starting the brainwashing nice and early.
i know i sound so pessimistic, but how am i supposed to believe when everything that is good in my life, my family has had work hard to get.
i think religion is okay if it isn't forced upon you, meaning, you don't necessarily have to be the same religion as your mother and father if you aren't happy with it. being born into religion doesn't mean you are of that religion. i think until you are of age to know what you believe, you shouldn't have a religion. am i wrong?
everyone should have the right to explore their surroundings, even when it comes to the choice of faith. there are alot of religions and cultures, in which there is an "expectation" of some sort towards religion. you are either that religion or you are nothing.
what is religion? and does it go too far sometimes? or is okay to teach your children what you believe is right?
xx
s.a
do you believe that it is right to enforce religion towards a child from birth?
i have noticed that children are told to believe things, is it just to teach them the morals of being a good human?
when i was a child, i went to church with my parents and i remember being afraid of god, i didn't know who he was, i just knew if i did something bad, i would go to hell, and so i was always afraid. i don't think that feeling like that is right for a child, and the purpose of religion isn't to scare people, i think, but is to help them follow the "rules of life" in a right way.
my parents never forced me or any of my siblings to believe in religion or anything like that, it was always a choice, but going to church back when i was a child wasn't really a choice, i just had to go. it's been years now since i've gone to church. personally, i'm not religious, i'm not an athiest, but at the same time, it's difficult for me to believe in something i do not see. i know religion is based on faith, and just plain belief, but so are fairy tales. i don't mean to offend anyone by this post, this is merely my opinion.
another situation that i can think of is a child from a family i know. she is barely a year old and sings religious songs, it's cute and all, but it makes me a little angry for some reason. only because her father is a priest and she comes from a very religious family, it makes think that they are starting the brainwashing nice and early.
i know i sound so pessimistic, but how am i supposed to believe when everything that is good in my life, my family has had work hard to get.
i think religion is okay if it isn't forced upon you, meaning, you don't necessarily have to be the same religion as your mother and father if you aren't happy with it. being born into religion doesn't mean you are of that religion. i think until you are of age to know what you believe, you shouldn't have a religion. am i wrong?
everyone should have the right to explore their surroundings, even when it comes to the choice of faith. there are alot of religions and cultures, in which there is an "expectation" of some sort towards religion. you are either that religion or you are nothing.
what is religion? and does it go too far sometimes? or is okay to teach your children what you believe is right?
xx
s.a
[will eat poo for friend]
friendship. what is it really?
doesn't it suck when you misjudge people and categorize them as friends or enemies?
then they end up being the total opposites.
some people truly suck.
then you have the true friends, you know the ones that are truly with you no matter what.
but those are so hard to find.
ugh.
why is it so hard to find true friends?
true people? is it just me or are people categorizing friends as an accessory rather then a necessity?
or are they actually an accessory?
i'm confused.
xx
.
doesn't it suck when you misjudge people and categorize them as friends or enemies?
then they end up being the total opposites.
some people truly suck.
then you have the true friends, you know the ones that are truly with you no matter what.
but those are so hard to find.
ugh.
why is it so hard to find true friends?
true people? is it just me or are people categorizing friends as an accessory rather then a necessity?
or are they actually an accessory?
i'm confused.
xx
.
30.9.08
happpy anniversaryyyy <3
i'd like to wish a very happy on year anniversary to..
[drum rolls please]
my LABRET!
it's a lifetime commitment, i swear. it's been exactly a year.
but it feels like it's been forever, i love love it.
eeeee. there she is. right under my lip.
29.9.08
ex this or ex that.
i hate it when you talk to an ex or something, and they say "we can be friends and such"
but you both know that's merely impossible. then why, WHY must we lie and pretend all is good? and when it does come time to talking, even by accident, we either chicken out by running away, or we converse and just let the conversation take an awkward turn. doesn't life kinda suck when you lose friends due to dating? i'm talking about either the friends you date, or the friends who hate you dating.
hmph. everything happens for a good reason.
i'm waiting on the reason.
i do have regrets in life.
xx
s.a
but you both know that's merely impossible. then why, WHY must we lie and pretend all is good? and when it does come time to talking, even by accident, we either chicken out by running away, or we converse and just let the conversation take an awkward turn. doesn't life kinda suck when you lose friends due to dating? i'm talking about either the friends you date, or the friends who hate you dating.
hmph. everything happens for a good reason.
i'm waiting on the reason.
i do have regrets in life.
xx
s.a
CHEESECAKE THERAPY NEEDED.
i like to think that i'm not a typical woman
you know, the stereotypical kind, addicted to chocolate, cheesecake, and romantic movies.
but, BUT, i am, minus the romantic movies... OKAY fine, i lied, i'm as stereotypical as it gets, and frankly, i want to watch a good episode of sex and the city right now, eat some cheesecake and drink some cold iced tea.
it's the best getaway, i swear, a vacation at home, everynight, unfortunately this vacation ends on my ass.
you know, the stereotypical kind, addicted to chocolate, cheesecake, and romantic movies.
but, BUT, i am, minus the romantic movies... OKAY fine, i lied, i'm as stereotypical as it gets, and frankly, i want to watch a good episode of sex and the city right now, eat some cheesecake and drink some cold iced tea.
it's the best getaway, i swear, a vacation at home, everynight, unfortunately this vacation ends on my ass.
28.9.08
breeeezy.
So i had an early adventure on the bus today, i left early for a salon appointment. it's really humid here today, with a light breeze every now and then. when i woke up, it looked cold, so i wore closed toed shoes, UGH. big mistake. anywho, it was HOT so i wore a cotton button up tunic type blouse.
so when i was on my way back, i was sweating like a dog, i felt gross, and i wanted to die. so i stood there on the bus, and i noticed this older man, in his 30's staring at me, well at my chest. so i gave him a dirty look, he looked to his friend, then his friend was staring at me, he smiled and looked away.
i wasn't sure, i mean it's not the first time a man is staring at a young girl, its the usual story. but there was nothing to see, i looked like hell, and the lady fucked up my bangs, so i looked like a retarded boy.
that could have been the reason they were staring i figured.
so i was on the next bus now, i sat down next to a guy. he looked at me, my chest, back at me and smiled. ugh. i was getting a bit pissy by now.
a few more people walked by. stared. no one said/did anything.
so it was time for me to get off and i looked down to pick up my purse and there it was. the missing button and my bra.
i pulled out a scarf out of my purse with super human speed and put it on. i felt SO embarrased i practically ran off the bus.
there you have it.
exposed. stripped. and no woman came to my rescue. it kills me because i didn't even notice the extra breeze, maybe it was a good breeze?
i still feel a little naked.
xx
.
so when i was on my way back, i was sweating like a dog, i felt gross, and i wanted to die. so i stood there on the bus, and i noticed this older man, in his 30's staring at me, well at my chest. so i gave him a dirty look, he looked to his friend, then his friend was staring at me, he smiled and looked away.
i wasn't sure, i mean it's not the first time a man is staring at a young girl, its the usual story. but there was nothing to see, i looked like hell, and the lady fucked up my bangs, so i looked like a retarded boy.
that could have been the reason they were staring i figured.
so i was on the next bus now, i sat down next to a guy. he looked at me, my chest, back at me and smiled. ugh. i was getting a bit pissy by now.
a few more people walked by. stared. no one said/did anything.
so it was time for me to get off and i looked down to pick up my purse and there it was. the missing button and my bra.
i pulled out a scarf out of my purse with super human speed and put it on. i felt SO embarrased i practically ran off the bus.
there you have it.
exposed. stripped. and no woman came to my rescue. it kills me because i didn't even notice the extra breeze, maybe it was a good breeze?
i still feel a little naked.
xx
.
27.9.08
so like..
i fell asleep watching the most weirdest documentary, it was about how long it will take for the world to recover from the "domestication/urbanization" caused by humans.
it kinda bugged me, but i liked watching it,
then i fell asleep and woke up with a headache, a sore throat, and the back of my ears burn.
i blame the show.
ugh.
it kinda bugged me, but i liked watching it,
then i fell asleep and woke up with a headache, a sore throat, and the back of my ears burn.
i blame the show.
ugh.
26.9.08
wow.
yesterday was a day to be remembered, and i'm still stuck in yesterday until i head to bed.
it started like a regular day for me, i woke up, showered, got ready for my doctor's appointment, went on my computer and talked to a friend. before i knew it, it was time for me to head out to the appointment.
so i went in, only to find out that my appointment was next fucking week. yes, yes i was very angry. the stupid lady at the desk claimed that he was completely booked, and i believed her because he is a hard-to-get-a-hold-of type doctor.
so i left, disappointed, pissed off, saying fuck loud enough that every old woman sitting the office gave me the "girls nowadays" look. i just barged out and went on my way. so i came home to a wrecked car, my brothers to be precise, and i could just hear my dad yelling, but i had heard the real show the night before, when it actually happened.
the couple that he got into the accident with decided that they would come over with an offer, without getting the insurance involved ofcourse, we agreed and so they came.
they were an older european couple, and a bit racist, which they admitted.
as some of you can tell from my pictures, i'm a person of colour, i'm middle eastern, anywho they came in asking for $6000. this was for an old grand prix, from the early 90's. i guess they thought we were really stupid.
they actually told my brother to date someone his own kind, my brother is dating a polish girl, and that was apparently something people shouldn't do, because according to that man, coloured people don't mix with non coloured people, and yes i'm being alot nicer then he was.
i wanted to punch him on the nose, and his wife sat there, on our couch, yelling at my parents like it was something they did. my parents are very mellow, very quiet, they don't say anything. so ofcourse, i'm a loud, kind of obnoxious type person, i got in and just asked them what their problem was and what not. i screamed a bit, just little over them, and they both shut up.
well the husband kept making racist jokes, the wife laughed, we sat there in this really awkward situation, after talking about random shit, they finally left, mind you, we barely talked about the actual situation.
anywho, that night we decided that we would call them and let them know that this was it, and that we were going to the insurance company and what not.
so we're just working everything out now.
the point of this post was to see, do people like getting accidents now? that getting into one means they'll get all the money in the world, even though someone could have gotten hurt? they think that calling the police or whatever scares people. it's a sad, sad world.
people are so pathetic.
plus i'm angry right now, sort of.
ugh.
bye guys.
xx
s.a.
it started like a regular day for me, i woke up, showered, got ready for my doctor's appointment, went on my computer and talked to a friend. before i knew it, it was time for me to head out to the appointment.
so i went in, only to find out that my appointment was next fucking week. yes, yes i was very angry. the stupid lady at the desk claimed that he was completely booked, and i believed her because he is a hard-to-get-a-hold-of type doctor.
so i left, disappointed, pissed off, saying fuck loud enough that every old woman sitting the office gave me the "girls nowadays" look. i just barged out and went on my way. so i came home to a wrecked car, my brothers to be precise, and i could just hear my dad yelling, but i had heard the real show the night before, when it actually happened.
the couple that he got into the accident with decided that they would come over with an offer, without getting the insurance involved ofcourse, we agreed and so they came.
they were an older european couple, and a bit racist, which they admitted.
as some of you can tell from my pictures, i'm a person of colour, i'm middle eastern, anywho they came in asking for $6000. this was for an old grand prix, from the early 90's. i guess they thought we were really stupid.
they actually told my brother to date someone his own kind, my brother is dating a polish girl, and that was apparently something people shouldn't do, because according to that man, coloured people don't mix with non coloured people, and yes i'm being alot nicer then he was.
i wanted to punch him on the nose, and his wife sat there, on our couch, yelling at my parents like it was something they did. my parents are very mellow, very quiet, they don't say anything. so ofcourse, i'm a loud, kind of obnoxious type person, i got in and just asked them what their problem was and what not. i screamed a bit, just little over them, and they both shut up.
well the husband kept making racist jokes, the wife laughed, we sat there in this really awkward situation, after talking about random shit, they finally left, mind you, we barely talked about the actual situation.
anywho, that night we decided that we would call them and let them know that this was it, and that we were going to the insurance company and what not.
so we're just working everything out now.
the point of this post was to see, do people like getting accidents now? that getting into one means they'll get all the money in the world, even though someone could have gotten hurt? they think that calling the police or whatever scares people. it's a sad, sad world.
people are so pathetic.
plus i'm angry right now, sort of.
ugh.
bye guys.
xx
s.a.
24.9.08
get me an m.d. ... NOW!
so i got a call about my blood test results.. i have to go in this thursday and see what is wrong this time.
i know something is wrong because they don't call you in for fun, he warned me, if he calls me in, something is up, once again.
i'm one of those people that hates to be sick but is honestly always, ALWAYS sick. but this time i'm a little scared, i really wonder what is wrong. i mean i don't feel so sick, but then again, i usually don't and then boom, i have some really random thing wrong.
take this for example, the last time i fell sick was when i came home from europe, i felt like i had gotten something in and around my flight, i was coughing, to the point where my stomach would hurt. then my chest started to hurt and i kept getting spasms, and it was time to go see mr. dr.
and i went in, and to my great surprize, i had bronchitis, i don't know how, i don't from where... well actually i have a clue, i had to run in the rain in sweden with my cousin, it always rains there during the summer. but yeah.. that was another thing, i got well after two weeks or so, it wasn't fun though.
but this time, i really, honestly have no idea.
i hope it's something minor. i'm crossing my fingers in fear.
ok bye for now
xx
s.a.
21.9.08
it's me again, sry.
hello, hi, who am i?
i love how everyone thinks they know me.
i think my distance from everyone secretly scares them.
there are those who tell me what to do, what not to do,
how fat i am, or how terrible my hair looks when it is curly.
then there are those, who say the opposite things, but deep down, they all think the same, afterall, we're only human, who said we always have to be honest?
last night, someone told me, that deep down inside, everyone has a bit of hate for me.
the sad thing is, i think he was right.
i told him he was, he agreed to it.
i asked if he hated me deep down, he said yes, he laughed, i believed him.
i think it's just who i am, i'm on my own, i have my own mind, my own voice, and it scares people.
am i okay with that? definately. being a woman with more power then her follow man, i think having power, assertiveness sets you apart, from the crowd.
i tend to intimidate people sometimes, sometimes i get really intimidated, both work to my disadvantage according to my significant friends. i personally believe and know that it is only making me stronger, the hatered, the minimal love.
i don't think me being me should be a threat to people. but who am i to tell others what they should or shouldn't feel right? they can decide for themselves.
if i am going to be the only woman with a real voice, a real personality- so be it.
i pity the friends that have lost me, because i was their reality crutch, now i stand back and watch them fall.
it's sad really, that most of the women i know are more concerned with popping out kids, rather then worrying about their futures, careers, their laughter, and happiness- that most of these women are ending up in terrible relationships with men who are nothing but scum. who am i to judge, i am nothing but a single girl, working towards her career, without the support of a man. because the last thing i need is a whiny penis trying to boss me around. thank you very much.
well that's it for now, i may be back in a bit, considering there is alot on my mind.
toodles and follow the rainbow people, follow it.
i'm just a queen of my domain.
with love,
s.a.
i love how everyone thinks they know me.
i think my distance from everyone secretly scares them.
there are those who tell me what to do, what not to do,
how fat i am, or how terrible my hair looks when it is curly.
then there are those, who say the opposite things, but deep down, they all think the same, afterall, we're only human, who said we always have to be honest?
last night, someone told me, that deep down inside, everyone has a bit of hate for me.
the sad thing is, i think he was right.
i told him he was, he agreed to it.
i asked if he hated me deep down, he said yes, he laughed, i believed him.
i think it's just who i am, i'm on my own, i have my own mind, my own voice, and it scares people.
am i okay with that? definately. being a woman with more power then her follow man, i think having power, assertiveness sets you apart, from the crowd.
i tend to intimidate people sometimes, sometimes i get really intimidated, both work to my disadvantage according to my significant friends. i personally believe and know that it is only making me stronger, the hatered, the minimal love.
i don't think me being me should be a threat to people. but who am i to tell others what they should or shouldn't feel right? they can decide for themselves.
if i am going to be the only woman with a real voice, a real personality- so be it.
i pity the friends that have lost me, because i was their reality crutch, now i stand back and watch them fall.
it's sad really, that most of the women i know are more concerned with popping out kids, rather then worrying about their futures, careers, their laughter, and happiness- that most of these women are ending up in terrible relationships with men who are nothing but scum. who am i to judge, i am nothing but a single girl, working towards her career, without the support of a man. because the last thing i need is a whiny penis trying to boss me around. thank you very much.
well that's it for now, i may be back in a bit, considering there is alot on my mind.
toodles and follow the rainbow people, follow it.
i'm just a queen of my domain.
with love,
s.a.
15.9.08
the caste system.
does is still exist in today's western society?
in my opinion, it does, outside the walls of india, we see the caste system in daily life.
i've lived in india, i've seen the detrimental effects on the society and it's people.
it's a bit painful to even imagine that educated individuals in our western society can judge people by their wealth and categorize them in a certain harmful manner.
you have the elite - the billionaires, the ceo's of large corporations,
the upper class - they think they're it, they are the ones driving brandname cars, dressing their children in brandnames, and killing their individuality,
the middle class - they work for these large corrupt companies, they make a living and maybe just a little more for saving or paying for their children's education
then we have the low, the poor people in our society, finding it hard to make ends meet, they're sometimes new to the country and treated like half the humans that they are.
it's pathetic that we live like this..
i'm proud to say in somewhat middle class, our family makes ends meet, we don't have to boast about what we have, to fake our lives.
i know several families in denial, who are willing to judge others, but obviously not looking into their homes, their lives.
i think the caste system goes hand in hand with materialism, and certain ego issues that people suffer from nowadays.
materialism kills me, i HATE materialistic people, because i think it's a little pathetic to see people get excited about spending 1ox more money on things and acting like it wasn't made in a sweatshop with everything else in china or india, where children who are from "lower" castes are forced without choice to work hours on end- it just is embarassing for our world.
UGHHHH i'm done.
in my opinion, it does, outside the walls of india, we see the caste system in daily life.
i've lived in india, i've seen the detrimental effects on the society and it's people.
it's a bit painful to even imagine that educated individuals in our western society can judge people by their wealth and categorize them in a certain harmful manner.
you have the elite - the billionaires, the ceo's of large corporations,
the upper class - they think they're it, they are the ones driving brandname cars, dressing their children in brandnames, and killing their individuality,
the middle class - they work for these large corrupt companies, they make a living and maybe just a little more for saving or paying for their children's education
then we have the low, the poor people in our society, finding it hard to make ends meet, they're sometimes new to the country and treated like half the humans that they are.
it's pathetic that we live like this..
i'm proud to say in somewhat middle class, our family makes ends meet, we don't have to boast about what we have, to fake our lives.
i know several families in denial, who are willing to judge others, but obviously not looking into their homes, their lives.
i think the caste system goes hand in hand with materialism, and certain ego issues that people suffer from nowadays.
materialism kills me, i HATE materialistic people, because i think it's a little pathetic to see people get excited about spending 1ox more money on things and acting like it wasn't made in a sweatshop with everything else in china or india, where children who are from "lower" castes are forced without choice to work hours on end- it just is embarassing for our world.
UGHHHH i'm done.
14.9.08
your worst enemies.
they smile with you, they laugh at you.
who are they and what do they want?
they seem to want you happy, but seeing you happy kills them a little.
they talk to you, but they conversate about you.
they stab, protect, love and hate you.
you wonder if everytime you argue-
you don't argue, you disagree, what does it mean?
why do they pretend to care?
why are they even there?
they use you, abuse you, and when they are done, they throw you out.
you're nothing but a meer rag.
you are nothing.
you don't cry, laugh, or feel anything.
they are your worst enemies and your best friends.
we call them best friends, close friends or just simply, friends.
who are they and what do they want?
they seem to want you happy, but seeing you happy kills them a little.
they talk to you, but they conversate about you.
they stab, protect, love and hate you.
you wonder if everytime you argue-
you don't argue, you disagree, what does it mean?
why do they pretend to care?
why are they even there?
they use you, abuse you, and when they are done, they throw you out.
you're nothing but a meer rag.
you are nothing.
you don't cry, laugh, or feel anything.
they are your worst enemies and your best friends.
we call them best friends, close friends or just simply, friends.
stupid corporations.
honestly,
big corporations scare me.
they really do, that's why i have always wanted to be my own boss..
so that i wouldn't have to sleep with someone just to get ahead in life..
it really depresses me when i even think about women trying to get somewhere..
i mean i was talking to my sister about this, and we came to the conclusion that large corporations are corrupt and no one wants to admit it.
i think the main reason that i ever even thought about being a journalist was to be the voice for the unspoken.
i know people are hurting, i've worked with these women who have let people walk all over them, without a choice ofcourse, but live a life daily, just suffering in their own skin.
and i know they can't say much because, they need a way to feed themselves and their families.
i truly feel their pain, but it's not like i'm the only person who knows this.
i'm sure that every person behind this, the government, people working under these corporations know exactly what i am trying to say.
i hate sounding like i feel sorry for people, because i don't. i just want to make a difference .. i just wish the world was a more equal place.
i wish there really was no racism, which btw, pisses me off because, people act like it's not out there, but when you step into someone's safe haven, you hear the truth. i know i have. and it hurts.
i fucking hate people with unnecessary power. kill me if you don't agree, because you probably are one of them.
this one's to the company i once worked for. i hate you.
big corporations scare me.
they really do, that's why i have always wanted to be my own boss..
so that i wouldn't have to sleep with someone just to get ahead in life..
it really depresses me when i even think about women trying to get somewhere..
i mean i was talking to my sister about this, and we came to the conclusion that large corporations are corrupt and no one wants to admit it.
i think the main reason that i ever even thought about being a journalist was to be the voice for the unspoken.
i know people are hurting, i've worked with these women who have let people walk all over them, without a choice ofcourse, but live a life daily, just suffering in their own skin.
and i know they can't say much because, they need a way to feed themselves and their families.
i truly feel their pain, but it's not like i'm the only person who knows this.
i'm sure that every person behind this, the government, people working under these corporations know exactly what i am trying to say.
i hate sounding like i feel sorry for people, because i don't. i just want to make a difference .. i just wish the world was a more equal place.
i wish there really was no racism, which btw, pisses me off because, people act like it's not out there, but when you step into someone's safe haven, you hear the truth. i know i have. and it hurts.
i fucking hate people with unnecessary power. kill me if you don't agree, because you probably are one of them.
this one's to the company i once worked for. i hate you.
13.9.08
Maybe we're better off this way.
we watch eachother die, we cry.
no one's happy. everyone wants to smile, to love,
but we're all alone aren't we?
we come to this world, alone, cold,
unable to speak, think, or rationalize anything-
and that is exactly how we leave.
we love it when someone cries for us, dies for us,
we want to be held, kissed,
we're an element of our own creation,
we kill, we save eachother, sometimes we don't know why-
if we don't help eachother, or kill eachother, will we ever change?
will we ever have peace?
aren't we all the same on the inside?
flesh, blood, bones, we have one heart, one soul.
some are tainted, others are pure-
we use our minds' to our advantage,
we get what we want, need, crave.
we feel for ourselves, we feel our own pain-
no one else really matters.
no one's happy. everyone wants to smile, to love,
but we're all alone aren't we?
we come to this world, alone, cold,
unable to speak, think, or rationalize anything-
and that is exactly how we leave.
we love it when someone cries for us, dies for us,
we want to be held, kissed,
we're an element of our own creation,
we kill, we save eachother, sometimes we don't know why-
if we don't help eachother, or kill eachother, will we ever change?
will we ever have peace?
aren't we all the same on the inside?
flesh, blood, bones, we have one heart, one soul.
some are tainted, others are pure-
we use our minds' to our advantage,
we get what we want, need, crave.
we feel for ourselves, we feel our own pain-
no one else really matters.
10.9.08
ugh. school.
school is SOOO confusing.
especially when you are JUST getting out of highschool and need to decide as soon as possible,
and managing to keep everyone happy.
we ofter forget ourselves.
as for myself, i applied to university right at the end of highschool, picked something so very random and dropped out by the end of summer.
Then i worked for a year, decided that i HAD to do it this time, so i applied again, but this time it was something i liked.. and thennnnn, i dropped out again, this time for the fear of studying itself.
it's soo much harder to get back in study-mode once you get out.
sometimes i wish i just dove in the first time around.. or even the second time.. i'd be happier the second time around, because it was something i moderately liked.
it's okay
it's better to know rather then waster your time + money.
now, NOW i will apply and get to school this winter. hehe
it's my turn now, for sure.
so ladies and gentledies,
don't worry if you don't know right away, just take your time, but stay on track. you have to get in somehow, but if you aren't really sure, think about it. parents will just be parents.
<3
especially when you are JUST getting out of highschool and need to decide as soon as possible,
and managing to keep everyone happy.
we ofter forget ourselves.
as for myself, i applied to university right at the end of highschool, picked something so very random and dropped out by the end of summer.
Then i worked for a year, decided that i HAD to do it this time, so i applied again, but this time it was something i liked.. and thennnnn, i dropped out again, this time for the fear of studying itself.
it's soo much harder to get back in study-mode once you get out.
sometimes i wish i just dove in the first time around.. or even the second time.. i'd be happier the second time around, because it was something i moderately liked.
it's okay
it's better to know rather then waster your time + money.
now, NOW i will apply and get to school this winter. hehe
it's my turn now, for sure.
so ladies and gentledies,
don't worry if you don't know right away, just take your time, but stay on track. you have to get in somehow, but if you aren't really sure, think about it. parents will just be parents.
<3
9.9.08
FREAKS!
Are all men freaks?
So you start to get close to someone and you realize or see something odd.
Either you ignore that fact, or you dispose of him, then you move on to the next freak.
You worry that you may die alone, because frankly, men aren't doing it for you.
Is it better to be alone or to just ignore it all and live with him? Let him be your life even though you cannot stand him? I guess that's what alot of us do.
We worry about what others will think, what mom or your perfect sister may think, it's okay.
Afterall, women, men, your mother, we are all freaks at heart. Either you realize it, or you never do.
Be careful. Think about it.
So you start to get close to someone and you realize or see something odd.
Either you ignore that fact, or you dispose of him, then you move on to the next freak.
You worry that you may die alone, because frankly, men aren't doing it for you.
Is it better to be alone or to just ignore it all and live with him? Let him be your life even though you cannot stand him? I guess that's what alot of us do.
We worry about what others will think, what mom or your perfect sister may think, it's okay.
Afterall, women, men, your mother, we are all freaks at heart. Either you realize it, or you never do.
Be careful. Think about it.
5.9.08
4.9.08
wedding bells.
do most women marry just to get some sort of validation from other women?
i feel like i'm watching all the 20-something year old women around me trying so hard to tie the knot.
i feel like screaming and saying DON'T! .. but who am i to speak? a stupid 19 year old..
little do they know, what i see from the outside is nothing but the truth.
women don't HAVE to marry to be someone..
why don't men have that same pressure?
marriage isn't the answer to your life's problems, infact it might just add onto what you already have going on. be careful before you get yourself involved and kill your independence. think about it.
i feel like i'm watching all the 20-something year old women around me trying so hard to tie the knot.
i feel like screaming and saying DON'T! .. but who am i to speak? a stupid 19 year old..
little do they know, what i see from the outside is nothing but the truth.
women don't HAVE to marry to be someone..
why don't men have that same pressure?
marriage isn't the answer to your life's problems, infact it might just add onto what you already have going on. be careful before you get yourself involved and kill your independence. think about it.
2.9.08
does smoking really kill? or is it just you?
maybe all men are a drug.
sometimes they really let you down.. and other times.. they get you high, really high.
damn.
it would have been so cool if I didn't turn around.
he looked, he winked.
hey, you can't help but get addicted, excited
you have to experiment right? then you either give up, or you stay addicted.
pass me a lighter. i'm stuck.
sometimes they really let you down.. and other times.. they get you high, really high.
damn.
it would have been so cool if I didn't turn around.
he looked, he winked.
hey, you can't help but get addicted, excited
you have to experiment right? then you either give up, or you stay addicted.
pass me a lighter. i'm stuck.
single with a red flag.
So, since when did being single translate into being gay?
I mean, your single for a week and suddenly, you have a terminal AND contagious disease, and no one dares to even eye you.
But being a leper is what I do best.
Kill me if I lie, but don't you see, the hardest part of life is when you are single and not looking?
People worry, and friends... what friends? Think about it.
.
I mean, your single for a week and suddenly, you have a terminal AND contagious disease, and no one dares to even eye you.
But being a leper is what I do best.
Kill me if I lie, but don't you see, the hardest part of life is when you are single and not looking?
People worry, and friends... what friends? Think about it.
.
31.8.08
30.8.08
tell me something i don't know.
i think i should give up
i mean i've been trying sOO hard to get by..
it's quite sickening. kill me please, i HATE this.
where's my fancy job? my full, over-the-top debit card? seriously.
i need a credit card. i HATE credit cards.
call me back! i can't call you. am i scared to hurt my ego?
me and ego? please.
... it's funny isn't it. alter egos, pretty egos... off topic much?
where is that lengthy, super-delicious friends list?
i don't see it. you know.. with all the gossip, bullshit and what not.
do i miss love? do i miss my love? do i love me? do i miss me?
yeah that's it.. i miss me.
i'm right here.. but i feel very, umm.. what do you call it.. invisible. that didn't really need that much thought now did it?
why is it that i NEED his stupid, ugly, annoying, just totally ughhed- approval?
i think he loves less, and yearns revenge more.
does it scare me you ask? yeah. no, yeah. it does... but i think i can handle this situation. perhaps because i love more. and more.
but i truly miss me. where am i?
i'm stuck in this alternate universe, you know.. stuck behind myself..
how as a child, we seek the shelter of out mothers' leg.. hide behind it and peek, 'no one can see us' we think. i see me. hiding.. crying a little.
don't cry pretty lady. don't.
to give up.. or not to give up? that is the dilemma.
shoot
me
now
.
.
.
i still see me.
i mean i've been trying sOO hard to get by..
it's quite sickening. kill me please, i HATE this.
where's my fancy job? my full, over-the-top debit card? seriously.
i need a credit card. i HATE credit cards.
call me back! i can't call you. am i scared to hurt my ego?
me and ego? please.
... it's funny isn't it. alter egos, pretty egos... off topic much?
where is that lengthy, super-delicious friends list?
i don't see it. you know.. with all the gossip, bullshit and what not.
do i miss love? do i miss my love? do i love me? do i miss me?
yeah that's it.. i miss me.
i'm right here.. but i feel very, umm.. what do you call it.. invisible. that didn't really need that much thought now did it?
why is it that i NEED his stupid, ugly, annoying, just totally ughhed- approval?
i think he loves less, and yearns revenge more.
does it scare me you ask? yeah. no, yeah. it does... but i think i can handle this situation. perhaps because i love more. and more.
but i truly miss me. where am i?
i'm stuck in this alternate universe, you know.. stuck behind myself..
how as a child, we seek the shelter of out mothers' leg.. hide behind it and peek, 'no one can see us' we think. i see me. hiding.. crying a little.
don't cry pretty lady. don't.
to give up.. or not to give up? that is the dilemma.
shoot
me
now
.
.
.
i still see me.
29.8.08
Bruised hearts are the best kind.
it feels good.. sorta scary to still love you this much.
i'm scared, i'm scared of myself.. i'm scared of feeling this way forever..
i don't know where to take this..
sometimes i want to cry, scream at the top of my lungs--
i love you and i don't know what it means.
it wasn't too long ago, we loved, made love, held hands, shared laughs and tears.
why is it that it can never be the same?
those cuts, those cuts i see on you... did i cause them? i didn't mean to i swear. i'm a bad person. i'm scary. i'm scared.
my tears flow as i write.. i cry and i can't deny anything. you catch me quiet.. with no words..
i wasn't unfaithful. i was stupid. forgive me. love me.
no. no.. No.
hate me, for i am your cause.
that special little place in my heart aches for you.. but i don't know what to put there..
i never wanted to hurt you.. i never wanted to make you cry.. but why did i let it happen?
why did i let it all happen.. now i'm in a haze.. in some world i can't get out of.
i'm leaving your world, i leave forever. i don't want to come back. ever. ever.
i think i deserve this. i think i may die. please kill me.
i think i die.
i die.
i'm scared, i'm scared of myself.. i'm scared of feeling this way forever..
i don't know where to take this..
sometimes i want to cry, scream at the top of my lungs--
i love you and i don't know what it means.
it wasn't too long ago, we loved, made love, held hands, shared laughs and tears.
why is it that it can never be the same?
those cuts, those cuts i see on you... did i cause them? i didn't mean to i swear. i'm a bad person. i'm scary. i'm scared.
my tears flow as i write.. i cry and i can't deny anything. you catch me quiet.. with no words..
i wasn't unfaithful. i was stupid. forgive me. love me.
no. no.. No.
hate me, for i am your cause.
that special little place in my heart aches for you.. but i don't know what to put there..
i never wanted to hurt you.. i never wanted to make you cry.. but why did i let it happen?
why did i let it all happen.. now i'm in a haze.. in some world i can't get out of.
i'm leaving your world, i leave forever. i don't want to come back. ever. ever.
i think i deserve this. i think i may die. please kill me.
i think i die.
i die.
25.8.08
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