so a stranger now - friend once- decided to re-enter my life today. i was happy for a split second, i truly was. now i feel sadder than ever.
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx
23.11.08
if you're racist and you know it, kill yourself ♪
i'd like to touch base on racism and why it annoys me so much.
i think people naturally are retarded.
a friend shared a video with me that honestly shocked me.
the sad thing is, when i went to europe this summer, we couldn't go to a single club because they were always "vip" or "completely full" or "25+". i remember one night that everyone decided we'd go out, considering that most of us were from canada and were in europe for the first time.
we were all people of colour, hence it was a problem.
it made me sick, because my cousins were used to it. they said that after a few times, you get used to the rejection. it made me SICK.
i do not tolerate any form of racism whatsoever. i don't think anyone should.
i hate racist people! damn you racist fucks!
i think people naturally are retarded.
a friend shared a video with me that honestly shocked me.
the sad thing is, when i went to europe this summer, we couldn't go to a single club because they were always "vip" or "completely full" or "25+". i remember one night that everyone decided we'd go out, considering that most of us were from canada and were in europe for the first time.
we were all people of colour, hence it was a problem.
it made me sick, because my cousins were used to it. they said that after a few times, you get used to the rejection. it made me SICK.
i do not tolerate any form of racism whatsoever. i don't think anyone should.
i hate racist people! damn you racist fucks!
18.11.08
14.11.08
proposition h8te.
i haven't blogged in like a million years, which sucks! but i swear i've been swamped at work and now i'm trying to take up some other projects like fixing/redecorating my room, sewing a few things i've been meaning to, and i want to paint something for my room too.
and i think of wonderful things to blog about when i'm on the bus, on my way to work.. and forget by the time i'm at work, or home.
anywho i wanted to touch base on proposition 8, or as some call it proposition HATE.
and i'm afraid, but i consider it hateful too.
how can a place like california (oh em gee) consider banning a right that every human has?
as some of you may know, gay marriage is legal in toronto, which makes me proud to be from toronto.. and at the same time makes me question, why do we need to legalize something that is already a human right?
aren't we as humans understanding enough to think that we all want to marry? or are we all just plain assholes who are against something that everyone should be able to do, or not to do.
if you ever go back to my other posts, you'll see that i'm not the biggest fan of marriage, because as we all know, most of them end up in divorce. but my point with this post is to say, we're all equal and what right does the next person have to change or determine what i do in my life.
my ex-asshole was against gay relationships and abortions, and i told him to his face, that after he mentioned those things to me, he was half the person he was before i knew that about him. and i hate on him for being such a dumb, pathetic asshole. he hated on his sister for a good year after she had an abortion, what an asshole hence he is an ex, added on to all the other things that make me want to hunt him down and skin his penis.
everyone has the right to do whatever they want, this is 2008, and it makes me sick to even think that people have a right to say what they want to say against someone else, fuckers.
i'm angry because people are ignorant fucks.
UGHHHHH.
and i think of wonderful things to blog about when i'm on the bus, on my way to work.. and forget by the time i'm at work, or home.
anywho i wanted to touch base on proposition 8, or as some call it proposition HATE.
and i'm afraid, but i consider it hateful too.
how can a place like california (oh em gee) consider banning a right that every human has?
as some of you may know, gay marriage is legal in toronto, which makes me proud to be from toronto.. and at the same time makes me question, why do we need to legalize something that is already a human right?
aren't we as humans understanding enough to think that we all want to marry? or are we all just plain assholes who are against something that everyone should be able to do, or not to do.
if you ever go back to my other posts, you'll see that i'm not the biggest fan of marriage, because as we all know, most of them end up in divorce. but my point with this post is to say, we're all equal and what right does the next person have to change or determine what i do in my life.
my ex-asshole was against gay relationships and abortions, and i told him to his face, that after he mentioned those things to me, he was half the person he was before i knew that about him. and i hate on him for being such a dumb, pathetic asshole. he hated on his sister for a good year after she had an abortion, what an asshole hence he is an ex, added on to all the other things that make me want to hunt him down and skin his penis.
everyone has the right to do whatever they want, this is 2008, and it makes me sick to even think that people have a right to say what they want to say against someone else, fuckers.
i'm angry because people are ignorant fucks.
UGHHHHH.
4.11.08
ass.
so i'm here to bitch again.. sort of.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
3.11.08
home sweet home
i don't think i ever appreciate my home as much as i do during cold winter days or hot humid summer days.
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
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