take me to a land where dreams come true..
you know, i was wondering if that shit can actually happen.. i remember growing up i used to watch a show called dragon tales, which still comes on t.v. incase you want to watch it.. i doubt it will be of any interest; however, my point is, this show took two youngsters to dragon land, where they met and hung out with dragons. i remember watching this show and wishing that i were able to go to a different world where i would be able to escape the realities of real life. which is ofcourse not possible.
i hate the thought of not being able to understand where and how this whole thing has come up again, possibly brought on by my long work hours, a ruthless boss, and a manager from an old work place who likes to flirt.
horrible right? it is in many ways.. but in some ways i do love my job, the pay cheque and also the perks. many perks i get.. which i do enjoy.. including trips.
however, i don't know how long i'll be able to stay under the pressure until i blow up.
i don't like to bring work home. but it follows me and stays around.. along with the lack of sleep and missed t.v shows. how sad am i?
i'm not sure if i want to post this.. but i think i will..
when i had to call in sick the other day .. my conversation went something like this "hello.. um hi.. i think i'd like to call in sick.. i think. um thanks.. bye" my lack of confidence due to this job scares me.
bloooody sugar sticks.
i think i'll finish off here and go take a long cold walk outside.. it's cloudy and cold. just how i hate it <3
toodles poonchkins
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
1.9.10
dreaming in colour
are dreams just figments of our imaginations or are they signs from somewhere to make us more proactive or so?
i've always been very curious about dreams.. those we dream at night which either make us scared, sad, happy or unknown (forget them as we wake).. or the ones that are almost goals we set in life to take us further down in life.
i mean i sometimes feel like i'm having a secret affair with myself, in my head, where i argue, cry, laugh.. and do all sorts of things i would with someone else .. i know i sound crazy but try to step into my shoes, i'll tell you how they feel right now:
i'm a 21 year old non-student.. i mean fashion school graduate. JUST a diploma.. feels like nothing now that it is done. so depressing i swear.
i work as a sales associate at the duty free.. which isn't terrible as there is room to grow.. but i want to grow now.. i don't have the patience i used to have.. i'm afraid of letting those down who have dreamt far bigger dreams for me than i ever could have.
i'm not sad that i am not where i'd like to be, i'm sad because when i do get a chance that the person on the other side can't see me past my minimal experiences..
the problem is.. i am experienced.. but perhaps the jobs i do interview for are looking for other specific things.. and my resume is nothing less than a jumbalaya of things unrelated.
i don't know how to precieve this at th moment.. i just hope that i can really follow my dreams soon.. that i can get a break..
but
reality is.. no one gets a break.. you have to break the glass ceiling.. that tough one up there.. i'm gonna make it to where i have set my goals to.. i want to travel.. and work.. and do both together... and shop and crunch numbers and do makeup.
i'm nothing short of complicated in my own mind however, i don't think i'm that far from simple.
dream big and don't fear your dreams.. you are far more capable then you think. trust me. never underestimate the power of true passion and greeed for success!
i've always been very curious about dreams.. those we dream at night which either make us scared, sad, happy or unknown (forget them as we wake).. or the ones that are almost goals we set in life to take us further down in life.
i mean i sometimes feel like i'm having a secret affair with myself, in my head, where i argue, cry, laugh.. and do all sorts of things i would with someone else .. i know i sound crazy but try to step into my shoes, i'll tell you how they feel right now:
i'm a 21 year old non-student.. i mean fashion school graduate. JUST a diploma.. feels like nothing now that it is done. so depressing i swear.
i work as a sales associate at the duty free.. which isn't terrible as there is room to grow.. but i want to grow now.. i don't have the patience i used to have.. i'm afraid of letting those down who have dreamt far bigger dreams for me than i ever could have.
i'm not sad that i am not where i'd like to be, i'm sad because when i do get a chance that the person on the other side can't see me past my minimal experiences..
the problem is.. i am experienced.. but perhaps the jobs i do interview for are looking for other specific things.. and my resume is nothing less than a jumbalaya of things unrelated.
i don't know how to precieve this at th moment.. i just hope that i can really follow my dreams soon.. that i can get a break..
but
reality is.. no one gets a break.. you have to break the glass ceiling.. that tough one up there.. i'm gonna make it to where i have set my goals to.. i want to travel.. and work.. and do both together... and shop and crunch numbers and do makeup.
i'm nothing short of complicated in my own mind however, i don't think i'm that far from simple.
dream big and don't fear your dreams.. you are far more capable then you think. trust me. never underestimate the power of true passion and greeed for success!
19.12.08
schooltronics.
okay okay i'm alive!
i have been missing for a while, needless to say, i have somehow managed to get a little life out of myself.
i miss writing here, i feel like i can speak my heart out over here.
okay so, i don't know if i mentioned school at all, but school is starting for me in january.. .. .. .. eeeek. it has been put off far too many times (two to be exact), now i'm happy yet nervous, yet feel a little pressured about school.
i'm a little scared now, not that it's something i don't like, it's something i love, but i still feel a little sad, you know, having to wake up and do assignments and exams :'( ooo.
well, i'm going to be taking fashion arts, that excites me, but also reminds me of the "special" classmates i'll have. a friend who has taken the course has warned me of the ditzy chicks i'll be meeting, and who will be dropping out almost daily.. yay?
well hope it's going to be a fun ride, and that i get as much as i need out of this.
i'll blog again SOOON i promise : ).
need to sleep before work :(
goodnight and au revoir
i have been missing for a while, needless to say, i have somehow managed to get a little life out of myself.
i miss writing here, i feel like i can speak my heart out over here.
okay so, i don't know if i mentioned school at all, but school is starting for me in january.. .. .. .. eeeek. it has been put off far too many times (two to be exact), now i'm happy yet nervous, yet feel a little pressured about school.
i'm a little scared now, not that it's something i don't like, it's something i love, but i still feel a little sad, you know, having to wake up and do assignments and exams :'( ooo.
well, i'm going to be taking fashion arts, that excites me, but also reminds me of the "special" classmates i'll have. a friend who has taken the course has warned me of the ditzy chicks i'll be meeting, and who will be dropping out almost daily.. yay?
well hope it's going to be a fun ride, and that i get as much as i need out of this.
i'll blog again SOOON i promise : ).
need to sleep before work :(
goodnight and au revoir
25.11.08
lost me, somewhere in the crowd.
so a stranger now - friend once- decided to re-enter my life today. i was happy for a split second, i truly was. now i feel sadder than ever.
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx
18.11.08
4.11.08
ass.
so i'm here to bitch again.. sort of.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
i went on my facebook today..
somehow ended up at a picture of my ass, from some party i went to over a year ago, so yeah. a picture of my ass on some girl's account, i don't know her. but i want to punch her on the gut.
i think that's sort of normal?
i mean i'm a little angry
and no, not a nude shot, but a shot of my underwear/ass. UGH.
and this is why i hate facebook and all of the sites that act like it.
what a pile of bullshit.
it sucks, because i can't do anything about it.
3.11.08
home sweet home
i don't think i ever appreciate my home as much as i do during cold winter days or hot humid summer days.
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
the other day, i went to fear fest at wonderland, and for my non-canadian readers, wonderland is a HUGE amusement park here in toronto.
i don't usually go there, but for the past two years we have started to go for halloween.
anywho, i went there with my sister, her fiancee and his older brother. it was fun, it usually ends up being, i hate going on rides, but somehow they convince me to get on one and then afterwards, i refuse to near any.
it was a warm day, surprisingly nice out here, and they thought it was stay a bit warm, and so we decided not to wear anything super warm. BIG MISTAKE.
i make alot of big mistakes : ).
so come 10 o'clock, the temprature drops like a million degrees. i was so tired of walking and i couldn't stand the cold, i even started to get a back ache from the cold.
and i was SOOO happy to step into my house after the long night, i mean don't get me wrong, i had alot of fun and i'm always up to go out, but at the end of the day, i don't want anything more then my bed and blanket.
i can't imagine not having a home to come to.
those are the nights i feel so strongly for the homeless, for people living under the poverty line. and it makes me sick. because the winters in canada are COLD, i mean a limb will fall off if you don't cover it, no pun intended.
it's terrible, i mean i go downtown every now and then during winter time, and see the poor people laying on those manholes that blow out warm air. and i swear it breaks my heart :'(
appreciate your home, your family or loved ones, not everyone has what you have, honestly. it can always be worse.
much love
xx
26.10.08
my brother.
i'm a little sad,
and this is because i feel so strongly for a friend on the blogs here, sarah, who blogs on www.girllikesgirl.blogspot.com, she is an awesome person, you can tell just by reading what she writes, and you can almost feel what she writes.
she is going through a rough time, and it reminds me of some moments which were barely similar, but somewhat painful. nothing can compare to what she is feeling though. much love for you sarah!
i'm sad because i miss my brother, i haven't seen him since i was fourteen.
in my family, we are 5 siblings and both my parents are still here with us, and i love them to death. i love my parents oh so much. i really do. as a family, we've been through A LOT in life and not seeing one of our family members has dug out a big hole in our household. i'm crying as a type. i can't help it. as soon as i start talking about my brother, i get very emotional.. because i'm a bit angry at him.
see, my brother was the oldest out of all the siblings, and i'm the youngest. we were always very close, and i'm angry that he doesn't bother calling us. infact, we don't even know where he is.
he left angry. he was dating a woman who was basically a witch. she is an older woman, about my mother's age, with a son who is 25, (my brother is 32 now). which makes it totalllly awkward.
at first, we didn't say anything about her, we accepted her because love is blind, and apparently stupid too.
we didn't mind her, we were sweet to her, me and my two sisters tried hard to make her comfortable in the household. but it was weird, i was a bit young to understand, and didn't get why she was always avoiding our family. she disrespected my family several times, and she didn't like my mother, who i swear is the sweetest woman anyone will ever meet, she didn't like me or my sisters.
she did the weirdest things, and i won't get into it. she didn't tell us about her son, or her past, she claimed she was 27... and yeah.. she didn't look it.
she stayed with us for a few days and so this gave me a chance to get into her stuff one night when she was out with my brother.
we got some i.d. from her bag and there it was, her fake name on a passport. her birthday, and pictures of her old son.
we didn't know what to do. we acted like we never saw it.
eventually she made my father so angry that he made my brother pick between her and us.
and as you can tell .. he picked her. and left our house. and we haven't seen him since.
he called us every now and then, but hasn't called in over two years.
this is hard on my mother, she cried for about 6 months straight. was miserable. and now still misses him ofcourse.
i don't know what to expect.
my dad doesn't mention him to anyone anymore, it's like he never exsisted.
i can't talk about him in front of my mom, it just crushes her.
i don't know what to do. he may read this.. i hope he does, and i hope he knows who is writing this.
i miss him alot, i can't believe it has been 5 years, and i've cried alot.. and i really want to see my brother again. the last time i spoke to him was when i was in the hospital, dying, he decided to call, and i didn't want to talk to him, i was angry, i wish i begged him to come. i wish i did.
i can't stop crying. so i'll stop talking about him. i'm so depressed about this. i don't know what to do.
xx
and this is because i feel so strongly for a friend on the blogs here, sarah, who blogs on www.girllikesgirl.blogspot.com, she is an awesome person, you can tell just by reading what she writes, and you can almost feel what she writes.
she is going through a rough time, and it reminds me of some moments which were barely similar, but somewhat painful. nothing can compare to what she is feeling though. much love for you sarah!
i'm sad because i miss my brother, i haven't seen him since i was fourteen.
in my family, we are 5 siblings and both my parents are still here with us, and i love them to death. i love my parents oh so much. i really do. as a family, we've been through A LOT in life and not seeing one of our family members has dug out a big hole in our household. i'm crying as a type. i can't help it. as soon as i start talking about my brother, i get very emotional.. because i'm a bit angry at him.
see, my brother was the oldest out of all the siblings, and i'm the youngest. we were always very close, and i'm angry that he doesn't bother calling us. infact, we don't even know where he is.
he left angry. he was dating a woman who was basically a witch. she is an older woman, about my mother's age, with a son who is 25, (my brother is 32 now). which makes it totalllly awkward.
at first, we didn't say anything about her, we accepted her because love is blind, and apparently stupid too.
we didn't mind her, we were sweet to her, me and my two sisters tried hard to make her comfortable in the household. but it was weird, i was a bit young to understand, and didn't get why she was always avoiding our family. she disrespected my family several times, and she didn't like my mother, who i swear is the sweetest woman anyone will ever meet, she didn't like me or my sisters.
she did the weirdest things, and i won't get into it. she didn't tell us about her son, or her past, she claimed she was 27... and yeah.. she didn't look it.
she stayed with us for a few days and so this gave me a chance to get into her stuff one night when she was out with my brother.
we got some i.d. from her bag and there it was, her fake name on a passport. her birthday, and pictures of her old son.
we didn't know what to do. we acted like we never saw it.
eventually she made my father so angry that he made my brother pick between her and us.
and as you can tell .. he picked her. and left our house. and we haven't seen him since.
he called us every now and then, but hasn't called in over two years.
this is hard on my mother, she cried for about 6 months straight. was miserable. and now still misses him ofcourse.
i don't know what to expect.
my dad doesn't mention him to anyone anymore, it's like he never exsisted.
i can't talk about him in front of my mom, it just crushes her.
i don't know what to do. he may read this.. i hope he does, and i hope he knows who is writing this.
i miss him alot, i can't believe it has been 5 years, and i've cried alot.. and i really want to see my brother again. the last time i spoke to him was when i was in the hospital, dying, he decided to call, and i didn't want to talk to him, i was angry, i wish i begged him to come. i wish i did.
i can't stop crying. so i'll stop talking about him. i'm so depressed about this. i don't know what to do.
xx
stupid me!
Oh God.
i miss the MOST important meeting, which was a conference call, for work and now i feel stupid.
this is for my new job and everyone is super nice.
though i have a good excuse, because i'm not feeling well at all, i still feel terrible, but i guess telling them the truth will help.
well i left my manager a message, and all she said was . Ok..
what a bunch of horse shit!
wish me luck, i go in bright and early, and feeling stupid. :'(
xx
i miss the MOST important meeting, which was a conference call, for work and now i feel stupid.
this is for my new job and everyone is super nice.
though i have a good excuse, because i'm not feeling well at all, i still feel terrible, but i guess telling them the truth will help.
well i left my manager a message, and all she said was . Ok..
what a bunch of horse shit!
wish me luck, i go in bright and early, and feeling stupid. :'(
xx
23.10.08
my fat head.
okay so i'm panicing, but no one in my house is up to check this for me.
i think i have a fat flab on the back of my head. i may cry.
but.. it only appears when i tilt my head far enough.
this sucks. :'(
i mean i'm okay with being pudgy, but we're talking back-head-flabs here.
i've only seen this on bald men.
ahhhhhh :'(
i'm going to get my sister to check first thing tomorrow.
i swear. don't laugh.
i can't find a picture either.
i think i have a fat flab on the back of my head. i may cry.
but.. it only appears when i tilt my head far enough.
this sucks. :'(
i mean i'm okay with being pudgy, but we're talking back-head-flabs here.
i've only seen this on bald men.
ahhhhhh :'(
i'm going to get my sister to check first thing tomorrow.
i swear. don't laugh.
i can't find a picture either.
22.10.08
i found me.
i am/want to pursue and become:
a journalist
an author
a fashion designer
a magazine owner
a real estate agent
a human rights activist
a make up artist
i don't know why i have so many different aspirations but i am very happy with them all and somehow, i see them all coming true sooner or later in my lifetime.
right now.. i'm working on my real estate license, and let me tell you it's BORING but will be worth it for me.
i am going to start studying fashion in a few months, and will be studying journalism right after.
i have already worked as a make up artist and plan on continuing to do so as i get the opportunities.
as for my magazine and designs, those i plan on starting once i get myself on a good roll, i.e. i'm done school for good.
i will try to battle the world of human rights through my writing.
i think having many interests is just as hard as having no interests.
i am confident in that i know where i hope to take my life in the near future.
i think these were the hardest decisions of my life..and somehow, i see them changing as a grow as a person.
it happens.
i think pursuing your dreams just makes you a step closer to self-realization.
i mean i bet we're all soul searching and while doing so, i have put myself through a lot.
i have taken others down with me, while i have boosted some.
i have lost friends, made new ones and have realized the importance of family and self worth.
the love and respect i have for myself, i would have never had, had i not made the mistakes i did make.
mistakes help one find the little glitches in life that make us whole.
okay that's enough philosophical thinking for one sitting.
much loves.
xx
a journalist
an author
a fashion designer
a magazine owner
a real estate agent
a human rights activist
a make up artist
i don't know why i have so many different aspirations but i am very happy with them all and somehow, i see them all coming true sooner or later in my lifetime.
right now.. i'm working on my real estate license, and let me tell you it's BORING but will be worth it for me.
i am going to start studying fashion in a few months, and will be studying journalism right after.
i have already worked as a make up artist and plan on continuing to do so as i get the opportunities.
as for my magazine and designs, those i plan on starting once i get myself on a good roll, i.e. i'm done school for good.
i will try to battle the world of human rights through my writing.
i think having many interests is just as hard as having no interests.
i am confident in that i know where i hope to take my life in the near future.
i think these were the hardest decisions of my life..and somehow, i see them changing as a grow as a person.
it happens.
i think pursuing your dreams just makes you a step closer to self-realization.
i mean i bet we're all soul searching and while doing so, i have put myself through a lot.
i have taken others down with me, while i have boosted some.
i have lost friends, made new ones and have realized the importance of family and self worth.
the love and respect i have for myself, i would have never had, had i not made the mistakes i did make.
mistakes help one find the little glitches in life that make us whole.
okay that's enough philosophical thinking for one sitting.
much loves.
xx
20.10.08
MIA!
hiiii guys.
i've been missing in action due to the two new jobs.
as you can tell.. it is a bit hectic for me because i still need to get used to the routine.
otherwise.. i have loads of stories i want to tell you, but won't be until later on this week..
so if you miss me, i miss you too.
hehaha.
i'm soo tired, beyond belief i don't have a day off.. until.. i don't even know. which sad in a sense.
anywho
much loves readers : )
xx
s.a
i've been missing in action due to the two new jobs.
as you can tell.. it is a bit hectic for me because i still need to get used to the routine.
otherwise.. i have loads of stories i want to tell you, but won't be until later on this week..
so if you miss me, i miss you too.
hehaha.
i'm soo tired, beyond belief i don't have a day off.. until.. i don't even know. which sad in a sense.
anywho
much loves readers : )
xx
s.a
17.10.08
fuck work, give me money everyone :D
i don't know how people do it.
i just got a second part-time job today and i didn't even start work yet, and i can feel myself stressing.
i just started work recently.. i had an injury right before the summer, i'll tell you guys about it another time, right now i'm still in agony from the tooth..or teeth i don't know, well that injury cost me my ex-job and so now that i have returned to the work force, i've gone in full force and for the first time i'll be trying two jobs at once and i'm so scared.
i don't want them to interfere and the second job's manager scares me. she knows i have another job and so is a bit compassionate, doesn't make me less scared though.
let's see where it takes me.
and job #1 is annoying me with intensive training.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( i'm dyingggggg of stress and a broken-jaw type pain.
UGH.
i just got a second part-time job today and i didn't even start work yet, and i can feel myself stressing.
i just started work recently.. i had an injury right before the summer, i'll tell you guys about it another time, right now i'm still in agony from the tooth..or teeth i don't know, well that injury cost me my ex-job and so now that i have returned to the work force, i've gone in full force and for the first time i'll be trying two jobs at once and i'm so scared.
i don't want them to interfere and the second job's manager scares me. she knows i have another job and so is a bit compassionate, doesn't make me less scared though.
let's see where it takes me.
and job #1 is annoying me with intensive training.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( i'm dyingggggg of stress and a broken-jaw type pain.
UGH.
16.10.08
wisdom teeth.
i have a killer headache and can't move my jaw due to these pieces of shit.
really, who named these teeth wisdom teeth? ridiculous name for this painful ordeal.
my brain feels like it's getting squished, though it's just my tempo aching in this sharp, annoying pain.
i've had this for over a week now, yeah i was thinking about going to the doctors because i didn't know what it was, but now, i think it's the growing old teeth coming in.. my poor ear is mangled in this ordeal!
< - - so you can have one too. yaay headache.
AHHHHHH .. i wish i could do that out loud, but i can't..
as i type.. i am thinking in a monotone voice and it's making me want to laugh... but i can't.
AHHHH :'( so i'll sit here, in pain. actually no, i'm taking some sort of extra strength pain killer like right now.. or when i get up.
anywho
wisdom teeth are pointless, and so we should banish the gene that causes them.. is that possible?
actually no. everyone should feel the pain i am feeling right now. yes, that means you, and you and even YOU.
UGH. bye.
really, who named these teeth wisdom teeth? ridiculous name for this painful ordeal.
my brain feels like it's getting squished, though it's just my tempo aching in this sharp, annoying pain.
i've had this for over a week now, yeah i was thinking about going to the doctors because i didn't know what it was, but now, i think it's the growing old teeth coming in.. my poor ear is mangled in this ordeal!< - - so you can have one too. yaay headache.
AHHHHHH .. i wish i could do that out loud, but i can't..
as i type.. i am thinking in a monotone voice and it's making me want to laugh... but i can't.
AHHHH :'( so i'll sit here, in pain. actually no, i'm taking some sort of extra strength pain killer like right now.. or when i get up.
anywho
wisdom teeth are pointless, and so we should banish the gene that causes them.. is that possible?
actually no. everyone should feel the pain i am feeling right now. yes, that means you, and you and even YOU.
UGH. bye.
15.10.08
poppy-cock ..i mean corn.
i just ate an entire bag of popcorn, don't get me wrong, i do this very often. but i feel guilty afterwards.. but there's something about popcorn that i can't resist. mmmm..
rude people should go die.
is it just me or are people getting ruder by the freaking minute?
there are those who just make unnecessary comments, then those who take physical actions that make them look stupid.
there are so many pet peeves that i have that make cringe when it comes to people;
people texting or talking on the phone when others are around, it's SO annoying. and how do you approach these people?
i had a friend who was always on the phone, and she would just answer her phone/talk on it for hours, ignoring everyone else and i wanted to punch her nose in.
then there's the guy who can't stop texting, equally ANNOYING.
there's that lady who was never on time at work, there were two of them actually, they would both take the longest breaks, you know 4 hour long breaks for an 8 hour shift, i'm dead serious. one of them actually went in to do her taxes during one of these breaks, and never came back to work, well came in 10 mins before her shift ended to sign out. stupid bitch.
it sucked because the rest of the girls would cover up for these fully grown women, in their 40s!
okay another thing was being ignored, my cousin's girlfriend, i hope she reads this someday. what she would do is pretend she didn't hear you. you would be having a conversation and then bam. the conversation ended but you didn't know. it was quite sad, i did talk to my cousins sister, my other cousin about this, and she said his girlfriend was "just like that". she deserves a kick on the tit. thank god she lives in germany and i don't have to see her face hopefully ever again.
okay so, when you try to help a friend out, when they are either doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them, and they counter attack you, thinking you were trying to be rude, like fuck off.
then there's the friend who doesn't stop talking about a particular person, that they are dating or like, i mean okay fine, i'll listen to you for a minute or two, but fuck off, i don't care what he said about this other girl. if i hear this one girl talk about this guy again, i'm going to pull out my own hair, one by one.
and because i have worked one on one with customers, i have started to chronically hate people.
they can be so rude, and i'm talking mainly about women, those who think other people are below them, bitch, if i wasn't at work, i'd rip off your scalp, take out your brain and shove it up your ass. if you have been through this, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.
i can't believe some people. seriously.
i'm sure you all have your own experiences with people in your life, who have either ruined your day or parts of your life.
i guess you have to learn to either ignore them or approach them straight in the face, especially if they are your friends, it's hard, but you have to try.
ughhhh.
there are those who just make unnecessary comments, then those who take physical actions that make them look stupid.
there are so many pet peeves that i have that make cringe when it comes to people;
people texting or talking on the phone when others are around, it's SO annoying. and how do you approach these people?
i had a friend who was always on the phone, and she would just answer her phone/talk on it for hours, ignoring everyone else and i wanted to punch her nose in.
then there's the guy who can't stop texting, equally ANNOYING.
there's that lady who was never on time at work, there were two of them actually, they would both take the longest breaks, you know 4 hour long breaks for an 8 hour shift, i'm dead serious. one of them actually went in to do her taxes during one of these breaks, and never came back to work, well came in 10 mins before her shift ended to sign out. stupid bitch.
it sucked because the rest of the girls would cover up for these fully grown women, in their 40s!
okay another thing was being ignored, my cousin's girlfriend, i hope she reads this someday. what she would do is pretend she didn't hear you. you would be having a conversation and then bam. the conversation ended but you didn't know. it was quite sad, i did talk to my cousins sister, my other cousin about this, and she said his girlfriend was "just like that". she deserves a kick on the tit. thank god she lives in germany and i don't have to see her face hopefully ever again.
okay so, when you try to help a friend out, when they are either doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them, and they counter attack you, thinking you were trying to be rude, like fuck off.
then there's the friend who doesn't stop talking about a particular person, that they are dating or like, i mean okay fine, i'll listen to you for a minute or two, but fuck off, i don't care what he said about this other girl. if i hear this one girl talk about this guy again, i'm going to pull out my own hair, one by one.
and because i have worked one on one with customers, i have started to chronically hate people.
they can be so rude, and i'm talking mainly about women, those who think other people are below them, bitch, if i wasn't at work, i'd rip off your scalp, take out your brain and shove it up your ass. if you have been through this, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.
i can't believe some people. seriously.
i'm sure you all have your own experiences with people in your life, who have either ruined your day or parts of your life.
i guess you have to learn to either ignore them or approach them straight in the face, especially if they are your friends, it's hard, but you have to try.
ughhhh.
11.10.08
i love animals.
i'm bored, so i'll give you my thoughts about animal cruelty and peta, the hated/loved organization.
i love animals, alot.
i've always loved them, with a passion, especially dogs, but i love all sorts of animals.
the thing is, growing up, my parents always taught me to care about the living things around me, we didn't have much at the time, but with whatever we had, if we could help someone or an animal, we would.
i mean when i was way young, about 6 or so, we were still living in india, my dad and i were walking home and saw a pigeon bleeding and cooing in pain. we saw that it was alive and with a closer look noticed it had a pellet from a gun in it's wing.
we felt terrible that someone just left it there to die and took it home.
see the thing is, in india, there aren't any facilities for these animals, hell there aren't many for humans, hence we took her home. i'll call it a her, because it seemed like a nice bird :).
my parents nursed it to health and withing a month or so, the pigeon was all well and eager to fly away, and so we let it go.
and this story, and many similar ones are repeated again and again in our lives. we've helped many birds, many kittens and cats in bad situations.
there's this instinct that i get from my parents, for being nice to living things if you can.
even plants, my mum feels bad for them if we leave them out during cold nights and such, i think this just shows you how caring of a person she is, and believe me, the nicest person ever (i'm so lucky :) ).
i love my babies cherry and betsey, i think they're the epitome of my dull life.
see with me and animals, it really bugs me when people abuse their pets or animals.
i'm not an activist, but the way some animals are killed, it isn't right, it's really cruel, i mean yes we eat them, but that doesn't mean we need to treat them like shit, i think we should embrace animals for feeding us and keeping us alive with their milk and such.
personally, i'm pretty close to being a vegan, not pure, but close enough.
the only meat i like is chicken, on occasion. i'm not a fan of anything else.
and i enjoy the occasional seafood (very rarely).
i'm supposed to like seafood because my ethnic background is from a tropical area, on the gulf of oman (check globes bitches), southern iran, all we eat is fish (kay exaggerated).
anywho i'm getting carried off..
i talk alot, and apparently i type alot too, and most of it is b...s.. :(
but yes
don't you dare hurt animals, they can't talk :(
i'll kill the next fucker who hurts a poor animal, and i find out about it. i kill you bitch.
kays guys i think i should stop here.. before i keep going.. uh.. BYEEEE
xx
i love animals, alot.
i've always loved them, with a passion, especially dogs, but i love all sorts of animals.
the thing is, growing up, my parents always taught me to care about the living things around me, we didn't have much at the time, but with whatever we had, if we could help someone or an animal, we would.
i mean when i was way young, about 6 or so, we were still living in india, my dad and i were walking home and saw a pigeon bleeding and cooing in pain. we saw that it was alive and with a closer look noticed it had a pellet from a gun in it's wing.
we felt terrible that someone just left it there to die and took it home.
see the thing is, in india, there aren't any facilities for these animals, hell there aren't many for humans, hence we took her home. i'll call it a her, because it seemed like a nice bird :).
my parents nursed it to health and withing a month or so, the pigeon was all well and eager to fly away, and so we let it go.
and this story, and many similar ones are repeated again and again in our lives. we've helped many birds, many kittens and cats in bad situations.
there's this instinct that i get from my parents, for being nice to living things if you can.
even plants, my mum feels bad for them if we leave them out during cold nights and such, i think this just shows you how caring of a person she is, and believe me, the nicest person ever (i'm so lucky :) ).
i love my babies cherry and betsey, i think they're the epitome of my dull life.
see with me and animals, it really bugs me when people abuse their pets or animals.
i'm not an activist, but the way some animals are killed, it isn't right, it's really cruel, i mean yes we eat them, but that doesn't mean we need to treat them like shit, i think we should embrace animals for feeding us and keeping us alive with their milk and such.
personally, i'm pretty close to being a vegan, not pure, but close enough.
the only meat i like is chicken, on occasion. i'm not a fan of anything else.
and i enjoy the occasional seafood (very rarely).
i'm supposed to like seafood because my ethnic background is from a tropical area, on the gulf of oman (check globes bitches), southern iran, all we eat is fish (kay exaggerated).
anywho i'm getting carried off..
i talk alot, and apparently i type alot too, and most of it is b...s.. :(
but yes
don't you dare hurt animals, they can't talk :(
i'll kill the next fucker who hurts a poor animal, and i find out about it. i kill you bitch.
kays guys i think i should stop here.. before i keep going.. uh.. BYEEEE
xx
10.10.08
honesty-ism yay or nay?
is honestly ALWAYS the best policy?
i really wonder if it is worth losing important people in your life, or should we stick to white lies and keep us whole?
i've lost many friends by being honest.
so here goes another story of my life from the past..
so she was a friend from when we were in middle school, we became awfully close and were basically known as one person, you the sisterly-best friend.
any who, she dated a really annoying, nasty, makes-you-sick type of guy, eventually after a year almost (oh my god i know), they broke up and eventually we could laugh at the situation (after a few long, painful months ofcourse). so we decided we would always be honest to eachother no matter what, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. and this was a pact made when we were about 14.
we were happy friends, she wasn't the nicest person to others, but she was very nice to me, she was the type of person that was scared of people who were not like her, in other words, probably as ignorant as it gets.
any who, we continued on with life, she found a new boyfriend, who was really whippable - and she enjoyed whipping him, she really did. i finally found a guy i wanted to try being in a relationship, she was 15 at the time, i was 16 (we're 10 months apart but in the same year), i know i sound like a stupid 16 year old looking for a boy, but i was a typical girl looking for her fairytale. but ofcourse there was no fairytale, me and one of the many ex's broke up after a year. i mean it was fun when we were together, we went to the movies, the ex-best friend, her gay boyfriend, me and the ex number one went on dates together, almost every weekend, we did everything together. we had alot of fun.
but that was just the fun part, so me and the ex-best friend grew apart and got closer at the same time, if you know what i mean, now we had boyfriends we could talk to, who needed a girlfriend anyways right?
her boyfriend and i had a special relationship, it's called enemies.
i hated him, he was such a whipped little bitch type guy, i hate those.
he did everything she said and more, he stopped talking to his family at 16, because she didn't like them, and what was worse was that she didn't do anything for him, not to any great extent atleast.
she also had helicopter parents and two older brothers. she was a spoiled little brat that got everything but wasn't allowed to use the bus at 16, pathetic.
so every time she had to go see her boytoy, who she wasn't really allowed to see (she wasn't allowed to date, her mother was religious and she came from a south asian decent), she would use me as an excuse (this happens alot to me, ugh) by telling her mother she was hanging out with me while she was with him, and sometimes i'd have to third wheel with her and him(UGHHH) me being stupid, i went along with it, and sat there while my best friend made out/played around with this little whipped puss guy. god how i hated him and now her too. this was a couple of days after my 17th birthday, we were three best friends, and i asked her to come to my birthday party sans her boytoy, and it would be the three girls out for dinner, you guessed it, she brought him. so it was time for me to come clean, but i couldn't do it.. so i took my time, stopped talking to her as much and eventually told her that he was a little bitch and how i hated her using me.
i really wonder if it is worth losing important people in your life, or should we stick to white lies and keep us whole?
i've lost many friends by being honest.
so here goes another story of my life from the past..
so she was a friend from when we were in middle school, we became awfully close and were basically known as one person, you the sisterly-best friend.
any who, she dated a really annoying, nasty, makes-you-sick type of guy, eventually after a year almost (oh my god i know), they broke up and eventually we could laugh at the situation (after a few long, painful months ofcourse). so we decided we would always be honest to eachother no matter what, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. and this was a pact made when we were about 14.
we were happy friends, she wasn't the nicest person to others, but she was very nice to me, she was the type of person that was scared of people who were not like her, in other words, probably as ignorant as it gets.
any who, we continued on with life, she found a new boyfriend, who was really whippable - and she enjoyed whipping him, she really did. i finally found a guy i wanted to try being in a relationship, she was 15 at the time, i was 16 (we're 10 months apart but in the same year), i know i sound like a stupid 16 year old looking for a boy, but i was a typical girl looking for her fairytale. but ofcourse there was no fairytale, me and one of the many ex's broke up after a year. i mean it was fun when we were together, we went to the movies, the ex-best friend, her gay boyfriend, me and the ex number one went on dates together, almost every weekend, we did everything together. we had alot of fun.
but that was just the fun part, so me and the ex-best friend grew apart and got closer at the same time, if you know what i mean, now we had boyfriends we could talk to, who needed a girlfriend anyways right?
her boyfriend and i had a special relationship, it's called enemies.
i hated him, he was such a whipped little bitch type guy, i hate those.
he did everything she said and more, he stopped talking to his family at 16, because she didn't like them, and what was worse was that she didn't do anything for him, not to any great extent atleast.
she also had helicopter parents and two older brothers. she was a spoiled little brat that got everything but wasn't allowed to use the bus at 16, pathetic.
so every time she had to go see her boytoy, who she wasn't really allowed to see (she wasn't allowed to date, her mother was religious and she came from a south asian decent), she would use me as an excuse (this happens alot to me, ugh) by telling her mother she was hanging out with me while she was with him, and sometimes i'd have to third wheel with her and him(UGHHH) me being stupid, i went along with it, and sat there while my best friend made out/played around with this little whipped puss guy. god how i hated him and now her too. this was a couple of days after my 17th birthday, we were three best friends, and i asked her to come to my birthday party sans her boytoy, and it would be the three girls out for dinner, you guessed it, she brought him. so it was time for me to come clean, but i couldn't do it.. so i took my time, stopped talking to her as much and eventually told her that he was a little bitch and how i hated her using me.
so she went off about me being jealous of her "relationship" and me not being in a relationship had caused me to be a bitch about hers. ugh. shut up.
any who -
we stopped talking for a year, then the other best friend wanted me to invite her to my 18th birthday, so we did and she brought the boy toy, once again, but we had invited two guys with us too, which made him a little less awkward. things weren't the same obviously, and since my 18th birthday, we haven't talked much. and now i don't talk to the other best friend either, i don't know how it all happened but it did, and i'm glad it did at an early age, rather then now, or in the future.
so back to my point, is being honest worth a relationship?
i think it is, because i've lost many friends like that, but i don't think they were worth being friends with if they thought i'd sit back and lie to them, i'd rather lose a friend then my dignity and my natural honestly.
so girls, fuck them, fuck the stupid guys who try to make you feel like shit, or use you, throw them out before they throw you out of their life, and honest is the best policy, because one way or another, the truth does eventually come out.
xx
s.a.
8.10.08
i'm sinking, oh nos!
okay so have any of you had to fix your own floors?
i mean without the contractor..
okay so the floor in my room is sinking, i have the lowest room, the basement rec room, and i can see the crack in the tiles i have and how theyre breaking because of HOW my room is sinking.
i'm not worried, but it's so annoying to avoid the cracks in order to have my table just right, straight. ugh.
so i want to re-do my room, i sound so handy :)
but the thing is, i don't know how hard it's going to be, and the overall cost..
so if you guys have any idea about this, or have recently done your floors, what do you suggest?
should we hire someone, or do you think i can do this on my own for a fraction of the price with the help of home-depot and a few friends?
do tell!
thankies.
xx
i mean without the contractor..
okay so the floor in my room is sinking, i have the lowest room, the basement rec room, and i can see the crack in the tiles i have and how theyre breaking because of HOW my room is sinking.
i'm not worried, but it's so annoying to avoid the cracks in order to have my table just right, straight. ugh.
so i want to re-do my room, i sound so handy :)
but the thing is, i don't know how hard it's going to be, and the overall cost..
so if you guys have any idea about this, or have recently done your floors, what do you suggest?
should we hire someone, or do you think i can do this on my own for a fraction of the price with the help of home-depot and a few friends?
do tell!
thankies.
xx
7.10.08
who am - wait, who the hell is she?
identity crisis
are we a society in which there is no such thing as individuality?
i knew a girl who wanted to be paris hilton, i'm sure everyone knows a girl who wants to be paris hilton. but that aside, she was full of it, the hair, the brand name clothing, the "that's hot" every 15 seconds, yes you probably have guessed it, i wanted to smack her on the back of the neck real hard.
i mean the world doesn't need another paris hilton.
this girl's mother being the female equivalent to hitler, not letting her daughter do ANYTHING at all, she was a typical helicopter mom.
ugh how mad this girl made me.
she isn't the only one i see that has an identity issue, i think most of us do, it's a far more complex thing then what any of us expect.
it's more personal then what they publicly do.
so the second person i know is a woman that was a friend of my aunt in sweden. i met her this summer when i went to europe. now she isn't so young, nor is she old. she's in her early 40's and has 4 children, of whom one just recently got married and moved to another continent, another who has a bit of social problems (he was neglected as a child), one who is a complete goth, and another who is young, still in grade school.
the mother however, seems to be stuck in her teens, she has a digital camera and can't stop snapping her shots, and printing/posting them on the fridge door.
i didn't know what was more disturbing, pictures of her all over the house, pouting, or her acting as if she never had children.
i think the main idea is that i'm just sick of people being everyone else but themselves.
i mean yes i saw the actual problem with these people, the paris hilton wannabe was an ex-bestfriend. ex for a reason might i add. she was probably one of the most insecure people i have ever met. she hated herself, but the only way she hid that was by making fun of everyone she saw and just gave herself a cheap boost.
i don't like people who need to put others down to make themselves better.
i think it's disgusting and just makes them look worse then they probably intended to seem. they wanted a cheap laugh, but they just made themselves look like poop.
another thing i want to touch base on is highschool-minded-ness.
by that i mean is that highschool mentality some people have during and a lot of the times carry on with them for years after highschool. it's that jealousy they feel towards others, or the shit talking, the betrayal that may have done, which they carry on forever.
i had a first class experience with this today, a "friend" from school, from who i always felt a bit of hate from, decided she would message me after a year. she wanted to ask me how i was, blah blah, then she got to her point and there it was, she was stripped, i found out all i needed to know to confirm who i've thought she was, a jealous, cheap, bitch.
her: so, i like your pictures, they are always so pretty.
me: aw thank you.
her: but it's funny, you never let anyone take pictures of you, you always hid your face with your hand.
me: yes indeed.
what i really wanted to say: bitch, you are a stalker, a hater bitch who just wants my pictures for bullshit reasons that i don't know, probably facebook, pathetic as that seems, you are far more.
what i still don't understand is, why was it so important for her to have pictures of me, like woah bitch back off.
i don't get women, i swear, you can try to be who i am, but you can't. No. stupid bitch.
again, another angry moment, with another woman.
i don't get women, they're so fucked up seriously, why be so jealous and such.
i mean i thought all of that was over during highschool, pathetic enough, i'm the center of your world. aw, i'm flattered. really.
i mean if i start talking about me and highschool, the list, the entry, would be neverending. thanks to the girls.
anywho, i think people always want to be someone else, but these people are just insecure in their own skin, they need to look beyond what others may think and just attempt to be themselves, minus the cover, for a change.
it's harder then i thought. age doesn't make a difference, obviously.
xx.
s.a
are we a society in which there is no such thing as individuality?
i knew a girl who wanted to be paris hilton, i'm sure everyone knows a girl who wants to be paris hilton. but that aside, she was full of it, the hair, the brand name clothing, the "that's hot" every 15 seconds, yes you probably have guessed it, i wanted to smack her on the back of the neck real hard.
i mean the world doesn't need another paris hilton.
this girl's mother being the female equivalent to hitler, not letting her daughter do ANYTHING at all, she was a typical helicopter mom.
ugh how mad this girl made me.
she isn't the only one i see that has an identity issue, i think most of us do, it's a far more complex thing then what any of us expect.
it's more personal then what they publicly do.
so the second person i know is a woman that was a friend of my aunt in sweden. i met her this summer when i went to europe. now she isn't so young, nor is she old. she's in her early 40's and has 4 children, of whom one just recently got married and moved to another continent, another who has a bit of social problems (he was neglected as a child), one who is a complete goth, and another who is young, still in grade school.
the mother however, seems to be stuck in her teens, she has a digital camera and can't stop snapping her shots, and printing/posting them on the fridge door.
i didn't know what was more disturbing, pictures of her all over the house, pouting, or her acting as if she never had children.
i think the main idea is that i'm just sick of people being everyone else but themselves.
i mean yes i saw the actual problem with these people, the paris hilton wannabe was an ex-bestfriend. ex for a reason might i add. she was probably one of the most insecure people i have ever met. she hated herself, but the only way she hid that was by making fun of everyone she saw and just gave herself a cheap boost.
i don't like people who need to put others down to make themselves better.
i think it's disgusting and just makes them look worse then they probably intended to seem. they wanted a cheap laugh, but they just made themselves look like poop.
another thing i want to touch base on is highschool-minded-ness.
by that i mean is that highschool mentality some people have during and a lot of the times carry on with them for years after highschool. it's that jealousy they feel towards others, or the shit talking, the betrayal that may have done, which they carry on forever.
i had a first class experience with this today, a "friend" from school, from who i always felt a bit of hate from, decided she would message me after a year. she wanted to ask me how i was, blah blah, then she got to her point and there it was, she was stripped, i found out all i needed to know to confirm who i've thought she was, a jealous, cheap, bitch.
her: so, i like your pictures, they are always so pretty.
me: aw thank you.
her: but it's funny, you never let anyone take pictures of you, you always hid your face with your hand.
me: yes indeed.
what i really wanted to say: bitch, you are a stalker, a hater bitch who just wants my pictures for bullshit reasons that i don't know, probably facebook, pathetic as that seems, you are far more.
what i still don't understand is, why was it so important for her to have pictures of me, like woah bitch back off.
i don't get women, i swear, you can try to be who i am, but you can't. No. stupid bitch.
again, another angry moment, with another woman.
i don't get women, they're so fucked up seriously, why be so jealous and such.
i mean i thought all of that was over during highschool, pathetic enough, i'm the center of your world. aw, i'm flattered. really.
i mean if i start talking about me and highschool, the list, the entry, would be neverending. thanks to the girls.
anywho, i think people always want to be someone else, but these people are just insecure in their own skin, they need to look beyond what others may think and just attempt to be themselves, minus the cover, for a change.
it's harder then i thought. age doesn't make a difference, obviously.
xx.
s.a
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