10.11.10

alors on danse

so my dad is sitting here, sipping his beer, chatting to my mother, and me (he thinks i'm listening but i have my ears stuffed with miguel and j.cole at the moment)
he's speaking about how women are treated in iran, our native country.
he's speaking about our family, his family to be specific, and their habits on how the men and women are treated/behave around the opposite sex. it is literally the taboo thing we all know of.
my mother adds to this about the racial profiling in iran.
i think it is ridiculous. there may be room for change; but to be honest, is that truly possible? there are soo many different cultures, traditions, that follow certain rules, and are not so accustomed to change. i think it would be wise to say that there are some communities that will never change or i should say may change VERY slowly.. if they change it may be so minuscule that no one would notice.
these communities aren't suffering as it may seem.. they are far to comfortable in their own skin. it is okay, they don't know a different way. and i sure as hell can't say we're any better in our western society; to be honest it is sickening how our society always presumes that the other is worse and/or not as good as us.

on another note, my dad wants attention. he can't stand me ignoring him right now.. he has started kareoke-ing. ridiculous.

9.11.10

forever loved

i try hard to remember things from my past, but i always end up thinking about something sad.
why is it that we remember things that make us sad longer and more detailed rather then happy things?
even when i think about life in general, i automatically think about things that are sad, things that stress me out.
to be honest, i still haven't gotten over the fact that my grandmother is gone. i know people say "better in heaven, in no pain, in a better place" blah blah.. and i do believe she is in a better place.. considering she was sick.. i may even be selfish with my thoughts.. but i miss her and i wish she was here.
i wish no one had to die. i wish we lived eternally,.. and i do truly wish heaven is real.. i wish to see those who are not in my life anymore.
i believe that there is always a void.
losing someone in life is not easy.. especially if someone is special to you.. there is no way that you can get past it easily.. there is always a void.. there is always a day when you miss them and want to cry.
rest in peace bibi, i'll miss you forever -

4.11.10

hello? is it me you're looking for?

i keep having sad dreams..
yesterday i dreamt about my grandmother; only to realize she is gone.. so horrible.
why are dreams .. like the way they are?

3.11.10

tired of waiting for something that doesn't exist

to be honest.. i have lost faith in love.
i don't know if it exists, outside the walls of true friendship, family, and love for oneself.
is true love just two people who are really good friends who love each other's company?
i'm not sure how to define love. i'm not sure if i've felt it beyond friendship. i have some amazing friends, actually just a couple, who i love, but not in "that" way, but what the hell is "that" way anyway?

sometimes i wonder if i'm looking in all the wrong places for this thing called love. but if it doesn't really exist then am i looking for something that will never happen? do people die looking for love?

i think love has a lot do with companionship and living or wanting to live with someone who you can try to have a life with. a combined life with compromise, affection, intimacy and maybe a family. there is a lot in this life that i do not understand, love being one of those things that i or many will never be able to explain.

i want to be able to define love, for myself, if not for others. i want to be able to feel love for someone, be able to feel so much love for someone; just much love as i have for my own family.

do you truly believe in love? what love do you believe in? are you in love? is it real? is it really real?

w/ love,
anti-love