tired of waiting for something that doesn't exist

to be honest.. i have lost faith in love.
i don't know if it exists, outside the walls of true friendship, family, and love for oneself.
is true love just two people who are really good friends who love each other's company?
i'm not sure how to define love. i'm not sure if i've felt it beyond friendship. i have some amazing friends, actually just a couple, who i love, but not in "that" way, but what the hell is "that" way anyway?

sometimes i wonder if i'm looking in all the wrong places for this thing called love. but if it doesn't really exist then am i looking for something that will never happen? do people die looking for love?

i think love has a lot do with companionship and living or wanting to live with someone who you can try to have a life with. a combined life with compromise, affection, intimacy and maybe a family. there is a lot in this life that i do not understand, love being one of those things that i or many will never be able to explain.

i want to be able to define love, for myself, if not for others. i want to be able to feel love for someone, be able to feel so much love for someone; just much love as i have for my own family.

do you truly believe in love? what love do you believe in? are you in love? is it real? is it really real?

w/ love,
anti-love