30.7.15

I dreamt that you are happy

I saw you last night. And when I woke up, I couldn't believe it was a dream. I believe it was you. You listened to me. I asked you when I came to your grave to please tell me why you had left? I love you. And I thank you for coming to me. 

I'm sorry I couldn't understand or see your pain. I wish I knew. 

25.7.15

Never knew my heart could hurt so

It's been a month exactly as of yesterday. I'm going to come by and see you. I feel like I can speak to you and you can hear me. I really miss you. I hope you're happy wherever you are. I wish I could do more to help your son. I wish I could help your sister cope; I can barely handle coming by to see you. Every time I do, I get back into shock. They say with time, all wounds start to heal, you begin to accept things more. I am eager for that time. I'm trying really hard to be strong but it's so much more difficult then anyone could've ever told me. I never thought you'd be gone so soon. Like my dad said today, "I believe there's a place, another world, where we meet our loved ones once again. It's happier, this life isn't happy". I believe him. I hope it's true. He remembers his childhood and tells us stories. Today he said one about his mother catching grasshoppers in rural Iran in the 50s for my dad. She would catch them and tie strings on them and when my dad would get up, he was very young, he would go play with it for hours and then set it free. This is what he remembers. We all remember very strange things. Most of them are the most simple things and times when someone showed you love. That story made me cry because it reminded me of my grandmother, who I didn't remember but she remembered me so well. We spoke on the phone often. When she passed away, I took it very hard. Life just moves so quickly, today you are here, in the next few minutes you might not be.

I love you M.C. I'm going to come see you tomorrow with flowers. Love you. 

11.7.15

Stop hate

Don't let a book tell you what is wrong and what is right. You're not a child, make smart decisions and realize what is right. Pick kindness. 

Mother ❤️

If one day I can be even half the woman my mother is, my life will be complete. Having to literally leave everything behind; her mother, her siblings, her house; all for her children's sake. When they arrived outside of our native country, my parents had nothing but five young children between 14-2 years in age, and two blankets. I can't fathom the thought of how they spent those first few cold months, having left our country in October, without no knowledge of this new country, the language, or its people. It amazes me how they learned the language, and are to this day, able to communicate with people using it. My mother was a true warrior soul. I remember so many bits and pieces of my childhood and in every single memory, my mother was there, my hero. I was the 2 year old in this scenario. I felt the move the least because, frankly, I don't remember much of my life before it. To me, this new land was beautiful, bountiful, and full of adventures to be had. I spent some of my greatest childhood years there. I made friends, learned almost every other language I know today, in that country. For me it was not challenging, given my age and "spongeability". I do however admire my elder siblings and my parents. My mother was about 14 when they had to pull her out of school. Women didn't attend school and her mother needed her to be in the kitchen instead. My mother didn't oblige and went on with what was required of her. A couple of years before that, my mother had lost her father to cancer. Eventually, my father and my mother met and married when she was 19 and he was 25. She never had it easy. After her move out of our country, she was forced to restart life again. I vividly remember walking through vegetable markets with her, me in tow, cattle walking around, the scent, the noises.
She never let us realize the or feel the hardships. When we came here and I saw the blue sky, I didn't realize this was normal. I didn't know the sky was blue. This story is my mother's favourite. 

Well here we were again, she started all over. Learning a new language, understanding the dynamics of this society, and getting used to the harsh winters. I remember her walking me to school everyday and walking me home. She'd always take my backpack full of books. I was embarrassed when she came. I didn't know better, I think most children have this phase. Sometimes people wonder why I love my mother so much, I could go on for a year with reasons. But these are just snippets of our life. I love you mother. If there is a day I leave the world, someone please remind her of this. 

10.7.15

Wake me up when it's over

I need to sleep and I miss my life being normal. I miss my dog. I miss not having hip/knee pain (from my latest injury.. Yawnnnnn). I miss my friend who lays in a grave. I miss the drive I had to live life to the fullest. I miss driving without fear. I miss smiling. I miss not having to fight back tears cause I don't believe today is real. I miss the appreciation I once had for my daily breath of life. I wish I could once again take in the fact that I am still here. Somehow I feel guilty that I am and she isn't. I wish my Cherry was here. She always understood my pain. I don't want to believe everything that's happening right now.

I am afraid of tomorrow. I am scared for what's next. Is this a nightmare?

5.7.15

Come back please

It's been a week since we laid you to rest. I feel so bitter visiting you at your grave. I'm so angry at God. I'm so angry and I'm so upset. I miss you so much and I wish I had one last chance to hug you. But mostly I wish you were still here. It's almost impossible for me to write this because I can't stop crying. My heart hurts so much. 

Until we meet again my beautiful friend..   

1.7.15

Why I support LGBT equality and marriage:

This is becoming a hot topic currently on social media. With rainbow pictures coming out left, right, and center. 

Firstly, I would like to address the articles stating that this is a media distraction; isn't it all? Aren't we always masking what is happening around us? Yes there are many issues we need to address. 

We as the future generations are solely responsible for it. If we pretend that tha inequality faced by the LGBT community is not a real one, we are basically returning to our sad stone ages. I assume I do not have to remind everyone that this community consists of folks of all ethnicities. We can't pretend that we know that everyone deserves the right to a free life. If we didn't crave freedom as human beings, the whole world would be similar to North Korea. 

Unfortunately, this debate comes up time and time again, with the same old stale argument on the opposing side; "oh can someone please think about the children" (cue in Maude Flanders voice). There's going to be a drop in births? Wait, we didn't think about this when women got the right to an education in most developed nations and were having less children? Has this even put a tiny dent in the over population problem? How about we focus less on who the parents are of a child and focus more on the upbringing a child receives? How can we have a heterosexual parent duo with issues all the way to the moon and around the sun twice, but argue that a same sex couple with less issues are worse parents? Your sexual orientation doesn't make you a bad parent. You are a bad parent if you're already deciding you are a homophobe. We do not know who our children are going to be. Another stale argument I've heard over the past few day: "we are letting our children think it's okay to 'be gay'". Of course it's okay to be gay. Who are you to decide who someone else is? Did someone tell you who you are? 

Homosexuality has been around for as long as the world has been around. There is homosexuality & asexuality in nature with animals and other living things. We have to understand that if there is a God who created Adam and Eve, he also created Steve, Anne, and the rest of the world. (If you so choose to believe in Abrahamic religions). 

Let's choose to be fair and equal. We all deserve the right to a happy and free life. Who the hell are you to decide what that is for someone else? Who are you to judge? Remember, when you point a finger at someone, you point the rest towards yourself. Be fair to others and be kind. You are not a god, you are no one to decide. Live and fucking let live.