Roses covered your grave today; because that's what you were, a rose. A beautiful rose.

Today we laid to rest another rose in God's garden. Your soul was beautiful. I still remember the first day we met. You were walking with your mom, and I was with mine. Little did we know, we would make an impact on each other so deeply. We spent countless hours running and playing. We laughed, we fought. We were like sisters. Our friendship fell apart somewhere down the road. I wish it didn't.. I didn't know you would be gone. And I miss you. Everyone's whose life you touched is in shock and dismay. I can't look at your mother and father in their eyes. Your funeral was the coldest day ever, even in the end of June. I love you so much and I wish you were here today. My heart is in pieces after seeing your beautiful son cry for his mother. You left us with the most precious gift ever. Your life ended too soon, too tragically. You were the most free spirited person I could've ever met. You taught me to love, to be free, to take risks. You taught me laugh, to be silly. I love you so much. And I'm so sorry for everything you went through in that short life of yours. If there is a god, you are with him I know. If there is a god, I continue to ask, why? I try to make sense of what has happened, but I cannot. Like my sister said as they lowered you into your grave, there was no reason for this. There can't be a reason for this. I love you. And it hurts cause you are alone, though I know your spirit and soul lives within us. You will never be forgotten. If tears could build a staircase and a path, I would build one to bring you back to us today. Until we meet again, I love you, I miss you, and may you rest in heavenly peace. 

M.C. ❤️

August 2, 1989 - June 26, 2015

A month ago today

May you rest in paradise and may there be a life when we meet again. I'm not sure if time heals all wounds. I think time helps you create other thoughts and memories to occupy yourself with to temporarily forget something that hurts you deeply. No one can tell you the pain of a lost loved one; especially when leaving you wasn't a choice of their own. 

Cherry, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I usually don't cry, but today I stood above the area you rested your head at; it tore me apart. Earlier today, I said to my best friend that it feels like it's been 6 months since you left; however, right now, I feel like you left me today. My heart aches when I think about how scared you may have been, and how much pain you were in. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurting. And I miss you. 

I love you baby. 

Struggling

I hate how different my life is today compared to even a month ago. When compared to the last few months of last year, my life feels like it isn't my own. I hate to make it seem as though petty differences have changed my life drastically; however, nothing that happened in the last few months has been petty. 

From A's dad spending 3 months in a hospital following a horrific incident that left him in life support, to my kneecap having no reason to dislocate, dislocate. There was that car accident and also my heart being ripped out of my chest just a couple of weeks ago when my lovely baby was taken from me. 

Eventhough everyday should be considered a blessing; I am baffled at the thought that any of this was deserved by the people who felt it. I am thoroughly in mental anguish and my heart aches daily. It has been quite a year. I can't imagine going through worse. 

Last night, while waiting at the emergency room following yet another seizure with A, I started blankly at the wall and said, "we're back again. I do not want the days to come when all you do is spend most of your days watching your parents (God forbid), or anyone you love spend countless hours, days, years here. It feels like a hell though it is probably as close to heavenly healing as we will get." 

Seeing the amount of chaos in a hospital emergency room makes you realize the preciousness of life itself. You really can't take anything for granted. What I would do to go back a few months and detect Cherry's cancer early enough; only God can tell. I'm thoroughly hurt and feel alone. I miss her and everything happening isn't helping.