boys take us to levels we didn't know existed (in hell).

there's something that's bothering me .. i'm itching and bitching to find out the bottom to this situation

here's the dish:
boy meets girl at a party.. thinks she's hot, girl is much older. boy doesn't give a rats ass.
months go by, boy meets girl's friend, thinks she's pretty! boy gets confused... oh shit.
boy sees both girls at wedding... together, poor boy... eyes one, eyes the other.. hits on second friend. catches her by charm. spends the evening laughing, dancing, talking.. promising a life of fun and friendship.
next day.. boy calls girl .. tells her, he's not interested in a relationship.. not ready.. blah blah garbage.. girl is confused at this point.. reassures him that her intentions are not different. they continue to talk daily about the weather, the news, themselves, hobbies.. three days go by; things are great... boy asks girl for the girl's friend's number (the one he met first). she hesitates, contacts the girl, the girls discuss girl-code and try to wrap their heads around the situation.. they're both confused at this point. they agree to give the number to get to the bottom of this.. boy seems TOO happy for this outcome.. girl he was flirting with is heartbroken and feels used.
he sweet talks girl #1 and tries to tell her she's pretty; she immediately puts him in his place and reminds him he is going to break her friend's heart. he tells her he isn't interested.. blah. blah.. BLAH. now girl #2 is pissed, calls him and tells him he's a piece of shit (good job on that). he tries to tell her she's dumb for thinking that he was trying to play the two (idiot). girl #2 begins to ignore him.. days go by.. boy realizes he FUCKed up. he continues to call her.. bother her.. message her sweet nothings telling her he's sorry that he was just trying to be bold. girl #1 eventually falls for his bullshit and calls her friend to reassure her that there might be some sort of honesty in his word. girl #2 calls him... 5 days later. they talk. now she's confused.. what should she do.. he seems really honest and amazing.. but he still claims to not want anything from her.. but he says he has feelings; now, she did remind him that no relationship = friendship, good, clean. all of that. you know.
now girl #2 is still pissy. she needs our help.. if you read this.. help her out; advice please.

thank you.

hmph.

here i am, confused, lost.. yet again.
any surprise?
i'm currently in an air cast resting my pretty much broken foot+ankle. i'm in pain. i can't work, i can't walk, i can't sleep. this sucks.
that isn't the worst of my worries right now. i am concerned about my future. i don't know what's happening. i want to go to school and i want my career to start. i am so annoyed right now.
i am looking at schools and i am looking and many other things.
hm hm hm HMPH.
i am sooo stressed :'(

biggest pet peeve in life = compulsive liars.

so i take it that there are many things in life that you cannot control... like who someone else decides to become, professionally, emotionally, naturally; it's even hard to control who you become most of the time.
i can't control the decisions people around me make; good or bad. i can't control the fact that i don't see my family members as much as i'd like; brother potentially missing for 8 years - due to a relationship with a fat, old, whore; sister gone for 2 weeks - married to a guy with a shitty family. when will i see them again? god knows.
i'm going to continue my life, try to keep my parents sane and happy for as long as i physically can. i want to study; i'm not happy with where i am today, working with make up makes me feel like an underachiever; but who says a degree makes you smarter? it may make you seem or look smarter, but in reality it is just a bullshit piece of paper that you work towards for 4 years; repetitive useless shit; oh and don't forgot the no guarantee for a better job.

i'm not sad, i've rekindled an old love affair. i'm just upset; not sad. i'm not crying yet. i've stopped talking to the compulsive liar due to a hideous lie that almost ruined my sister's wedding; which btw was almost halted by my fight with my sister's fresh new bitch-mother-in-lard (another compulsive liar).

i'm going to go now. i'll be back. surely.

blah blah blah.. such is life.
isn't it obvious by now? aren't you all used to my rants? isn't this blog all about rants?

.. well okay not ALL but mostly. i find it extremely difficult to write about happiness when sadness is easier to express in more then 3 words.

i think my friend is a compulsive liar. you know, as in they have the disease of always lying. lies lies lies and more lies is what i am used to these days. not only from her but from my sister and well, everyone else.

you can't blame me for not finding it easy to trust anyone. it is hard to trust anyone. needless to say i have seen a LOT, and been through a lot of shit that i didn't and shouldn't have had to. i am saddened by my lack of trust in others. some may say the problems lies deep within myself, that i may be as insecure as it gets, to those i say fuck you, and that most of that is wrong, some maybe right. i haven't decided.

i am however sure that i am extremely upset and sad about people lying.. compulsively. i am slightly disgusted. i even had a married father of one pretend he was a single man living at home saddened by how strict HIS father was.. or is? how low can people get? i did put him in his place with a nice message about how disgusting and filthy i think he is. and that how sad his wife and kid would be if they found out their husband/father is a cheap bastard with insecurities bigger then tits.

lets see.. i have discussed some of my current issues. work is an issue, like always. i did love it until about a month ago. now i physically feel sick when i have to go into work. and that is hard to do 5 days out of the week.. every week. can someone say wwwwwwaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

either i'll get over it or i'll figure it out. i have decided to not let it get to me any more. i can't let it take me down every time. like an unwanted friend always reminds me that i am afraid to face my problems.. and well i am. i always either avoid them or run from them. either before problems start or if i sense them. if i am faced with an immediate problem, i will run.

oh and reminder. about a month and half till my sister marries an asshole. i'm sad. i'm really sad. i just wish people would stop lying. just stop.

absolutely love my life. . . .. most of the time.

okay, scroll down, turn off the background music, click here when you do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEH9GfYJT9M .. ready? now read.

maybe it'll help you get where i am right now, i'm listening to this song, on a rainy, snowy, cold, spring day. spring is supposed to be beautiful.

you know, it has been 8 years, if i'm counting right, since i have seen my own brother. i'm sure i have mentioned him before, i've lost a count of all my posts. im sure i have.

well my brother, truly an amazing person.. is hopefully well.. where ever he is. sadly, he isn't a part of my life, doesn't mean that i don't love him. but i guess after the events with the family, he decided it was better he stays away from us. however, abandoning us, in my opinion, wasn't the best idea.
it hurts to watch my mother hurt. it hurts to even think about him. sometimes time means nothing. it might be easier to live your daily life ignoring the whole matter, whatever the matter may be, it doesn't mean things are different tomorrow.
i mean i do wake up happy everyday (maybe not right away, i'm up at 3:15 am for work), but i am a morning person overall. i try to remember that everyday is a gift and we should all share our happiness and kindness with the world.

i wish the world was a better place, i wish no one had to feel pain. i wish i could change the world to be a better place. i wish i could.
i wish for so much that sometimes these wishes consume me.
wow i sound so emotional. i'm not. shockingly, i'm not crying. usually these subjects make me cry. not today. i've decided to be that change in my life that i have been craving for, for years.

change the world, one person at a time, be your own superhero. love yourself because that's the only thing you can truly be, learn to love everything about you. i love me!

truly disgusted

http://www.citytv.com/toronto/citynews/videos/114519

am i really shocked? no. but i am really offended and disgusted.

got to keep it simple, classy, short and sweet - much like me.

there was once a little girl who wished to grow up to be a surgeon, a teacher, a horse and sometimes an artist.. then reality hit, science sucked and children were full of diseases.
that little girl was me and now i'm here facing another day, but the last day of me being twenty one, 21, two-one. wow. that's over two decades of my life, i'm only that many days, minutes, hours and days wiser. i hold memories of so many things, happy and or sad.
my 21st in a nutshell:
*began the year with a bang and traveled with my best friend to celebrate my birthday on the beach. (amazing.)
*shell shocked when i lost two cousins - suddenly.
*graduated from school and accomplished a set goal
*lost my amazing, wonderful, courageous and loving grandmother (rest in peace, love love you) she is someone i will never forget. miss her today and will miss her forever. :( still makes me sad to think about her passing.
*i got a job, and a promotion and work with a cosmetic company, yawn.
*faced my cousin getting hit by a bomb and surving - god bless him!
*cried so much from that news ^ that i got water damage on my phone and it stopped working
*i decided men are assholes.
*i decided i will marry one day. one flipping day.
*went on my first business trip and felt like a grown man.
*literally realized i grew up.



and here i am today saying goodbye to 365 days that i enjoyed, and here i am beginning it again. this time i will conquer more goals, hopefully have some more positive memories.
i do have regrets and i do have some great memories. i have realized my life has changed a lot in the past 2 years.
this year is when i claim my independence. truly and at last.
love,
s
27.01.11

sisterly hate.

so here i am wondering why people are so ungrateful?
when did this happen? when did people become so damn selfish? or am i just really slow and realizing this now?

i know i want to leave my parent's house to move and study.. work.. grow.. but i feel like they need me here. i know my mother does.
my sister is using me as a crutch to leave. she knows i'll be here ..for the next few years and will leave to a different country to work with her fiancee. when it comes to my other sister, she is using my parent's house as a hotel and storage. she's sitting here, working, eating, living, and storing everything she needs for when she marries. i wonder if she thinks that once she is in their house (moving in with south asian in-laws) that she won't have to pay rent. we're not south asian, our customs are very different and she doesn't give a rats ass and will do w.e it takes to kiss their asses (refer to blog post titled, my sister is marrying an asshole).

she got a letter from the government today, outlining how she can do her taxes online. "oh these bastards, they always want money!" that's her ignorance. i remind her she has been working 120 hours every two weeks, which seems impossible, but she does it; that there is definitely a huge tax imbalance coming her way this spring. she yells "well i pay rent every month!" clearly she is retarded and doesn't realize so does everyone else. see my parents don't work professional million dollar paying jobs.. we all have to help. my brother puts his entire pay cheque in with my parents for the rent, food, bills. she is here crying over a few hundred. i told her she is disgusting and should move out and realize how much money she would have to pay if she wasn't living off my parents. she is a damn leech and needs a slap on the mouth. i am truly disgusted by her behaviour.

why do people treat their own families so horribly? i still don't understand. i don't want to be a part of her life. i'm so done with her.
screw her, her fiancee, her stupid wedding and everything about her.

i will not stand back and take shit from someone like her.. i need her to respect my parents.

i'm done.

"Ma bouche sera la bouche des malheurs qui n'ont point de bouche, ma voix, la liberté de celles qui s'affaissent au cachot du désespoir." - Ferdinand

welcome eleven. you came quicker than i had expected.. but that's okay.

wanted to rethink some recent occurences in life; most of which seem like a repeat. i am afraid of sounding like a broken record, but this is my blog! i can sound like whatever my heart pleases; a goat, a chicken, or a freaking broken record.

you can talk to as many people as you want in a day, but at the end of the day, do you feel alone? i wonder what this means. i mean in reality, most people who work live a different life then those of the same age still in school(mostly speaking about those who are recent graduates.. young adults, etc.)

i remember talking to people who were a little older then i when i was still in school; i remember them telling me how much they missed school and all that jazz. i never believed it.. but now that i work full time, don't stay up past 10PM i know what they meant. i truly know. i don't really miss school as a whole, i miss the life i lived while in school a little bit. i hate the responsibility of school, the pressure, the exams.. but i do miss the interaction, social, mental, and somewhat physical i guess.

being at work for 35+ hours a week can take a toll on your body, mind, and soul. seriously. for those who are not in my position yet, please, PLEASE enjoy your stay. it is short, sweet and fun. before you know it, those early morning alarm clocks will make you want to scream.

i don't hate my job, i just hate being anti-social, all thanks to work. it is a part of life and i'm looking forward to growing in my career.. but i mean the grass is always greener and sexier on the other side right?