20.9.15

Nomad nomad nomad

Nomad: the definition is something along the lines of a professional wanderer. 

I've always seen myself as a nomad. I remember a boy from the same ethnicity as I am told me my last name tells him that I am a gypsy, a nomad. This was over nine years ago and I don't think I will ever forget. I can even hear him saying it. Not because I was offended, but for the first time, it sounded so right. 

I am not of gypsy heritage, and I am in no way trying to be disrespectful towards the people who identify as this. I appreciate every heritage that the world has to offer. I think the beauty in all of us is the past we offer. 

Whenever I am getting close to a new friend, key word: close, I make sure to let them know that I am in no position to judge them of their past; and they are not in any position to judge mine. It is not that our pasts make us ugly. It is that our pasts shouldn't be a topic of embarrassment. Our pasts show the complicated puzzle we are. 

Stars and strippers

Here's to hoping you actually don't read my blog. You know it, so I hope you've forgotten the handle and forget the page. 

I hope you find what it is you're looking for in life. I hope it is better than you expect, because you my friend, deserve the stars, the moon, and everything else life has to offer. There's a saying, if you love something let it go; you did that. And I'm forever proud of you. Not because she was bad for you, but because you let her go when she asked to leave. It is scary and sometimes lonely to go through it all. But I promise you this, she will be back. And if you want her at that point, you take her back with open arms. As long as your heart is in whole, I will be happy. I know I am your best friend and your love is all I need when it comes to us. I already got it. I appreciate you to no ends. To never let anything wedge a distance between us. Cause even twins fight; I don't want to ever fight with you. 

As for the situation at hand, I will be okay. Like I always promise I will. When you find that level of peace, I will be okay. 

I never want you to have to pick my friendship in any given situation. I don't want anyone to doubt it. Love you sunshine and hang in there. There's always a rainbow after a storm. 

Right thing

It's a complicated thing. It's a really complicated feeling. I am actually uncomfortable. 

I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. But I will do what is right for you. What is right for me isn't always what's right for the other guy. 




12.9.15

Love no more

I'm afraid of making new friends and moving forward with life. I wonder if you love nothing, can anything hurt at all? 

Give me strength, oh Lord.

I know life isn't meant to be easy, not for most of us at least. My life has been clouded by obvious emotions the last few months. I have days where I feel suffocated through each breath. It can be hard enough go get through the day but when day turns to night, dreams take over. Last night I saw Cherry and I cried so hard in my sleep that tears were flowing down my face. That woke me up and I continued to want to cry. 

I really don't know what to make of if but if definitely set a tone for this rainy Saturday. I began to feel guilty about her. I guess subconsciously I wish I knew she was sick. I didn't know. I miss her more than words can say. I don't know how to suppress the feeling. 

I feel so overwhelmed with everything that is happening right now. I am struggling to keep afloat. 

6.9.15

Bastard refugee child of God knows where

I am often asked why and how I can speak an array of languages; all I want to reply with is: I am a bastard child of Iran. Abandoned and lived the first few years of my life as a refugee. 

I was born to Iranian nationals who had decided to stray from the main religion at the time, Islam. My dad was stamped a spy and my parents fled in the early hours of the morning to avoid being captured and possibly murdered. I was the youngest of five children; I just over two years old.  

Through the refuge of the UN, we ended up in asylum in India. We were protected by having a chance to live here without governmental involvement. We were allowed to continue life as if it were normal. It was far from it. We were thankful but we were lost. We didn't know the language but luckily my dad knew English and some Urdu at the time. Soon after, the UN commissioned for my siblings to start school. I begged to go to school like my sisters and eventually, when I was three, I was enrolled in preschool. 

It was mandatory to learn Hindi in school if you wanted to learn English. I began learning Hindi at three. My mom says in the beginning, I would come home and cry everyday because I didn't know what anyone was saying. That eventually faded as I learned more and more. I spoke my mother tongue, which I cannot expose for possible safety reasons, I spoke Farsi thanks to my parents and also the Iranian church we attended weekly in India; the congregation was led in Farsi. I spoke Dari as a lot of the children I saw at church were refugees from Afghanistan. I now spoke Hindi and English thanks to school. I picked up some Korean and Japanese (I remember none expect a word or two) from missionaries that came to India and attended our church. 

We moved to a new neighbourhood and there she was, my new best friend, who was a year older, and was about five at the time, a pure Bengali girl! We hung out so much so that I began to speak her language to her parents. I still can understand 80-90% of it. 

Years later, we were sponsored by a church in Canada and moved here. Life restarted again. And I remember the first day of class, I began learning French. The teachers were impressed by my grammar as they assumed it would be similar to that of a cat. My grammar was impeccable, actually scored higher than any of my other classmates who were presumably Canadian children. 

This is why I speak a lot of languages. 

I am speaking candidly, if you know wh I am, please do not expose my identity here, as it may hinder the safety of my family and I. If you'd like to contact me, leave me your email, I will get in touch with you.