31.8.08

teh.

laugh more, cry less.

say no.

say yes.

believe in you.

love you.

be you.

s. a.

30.8.08

tell me something i don't know.

i think i should give up
i mean i've been trying sOO hard to get by..
it's quite sickening. kill me please, i HATE this.

where's my fancy job? my full, over-the-top debit card? seriously.
i need a credit card. i HATE credit cards.

call me back! i can't call you. am i scared to hurt my ego?
me and ego? please.
... it's funny isn't it. alter egos, pretty egos... off topic much?

where is that lengthy, super-delicious friends list?
i don't see it. you know.. with all the gossip, bullshit and what not.

do i miss love? do i miss my love? do i love me? do i miss me?
yeah that's it.. i miss me.
i'm right here.. but i feel very, umm.. what do you call it.. invisible. that didn't really need that much thought now did it?

why is it that i NEED his stupid, ugly, annoying, just totally ughhed- approval?
i think he loves less, and yearns revenge more.
does it scare me you ask? yeah. no, yeah. it does... but i think i can handle this situation. perhaps because i love more. and more.

but i truly miss me. where am i?
i'm stuck in this alternate universe, you know.. stuck behind myself..
how as a child, we seek the shelter of out mothers' leg.. hide behind it and peek, 'no one can see us' we think. i see me. hiding.. crying a little.

don't cry pretty lady. don't.
to give up.. or not to give up? that is the dilemma.
shoot
me
now
.
.
.
i still see me.

29.8.08

Bruised hearts are the best kind.

it feels good.. sorta scary to still love you this much.
i'm scared, i'm scared of myself.. i'm scared of feeling this way forever..
i don't know where to take this..
sometimes i want to cry, scream at the top of my lungs--
i love you and i don't know what it means.

it wasn't too long ago, we loved, made love, held hands, shared laughs and tears.
why is it that it can never be the same?

those cuts, those cuts i see on you... did i cause them? i didn't mean to i swear. i'm a bad person. i'm scary. i'm scared.

my tears flow as i write.. i cry and i can't deny anything. you catch me quiet.. with no words..
i wasn't unfaithful. i was stupid. forgive me. love me.
no. no.. No.
hate me, for i am your cause.

that special little place in my heart aches for you.. but i don't know what to put there..
i never wanted to hurt you.. i never wanted to make you cry.. but why did i let it happen?
why did i let it all happen.. now i'm in a haze.. in some world i can't get out of.

i'm leaving your world, i leave forever. i don't want to come back. ever. ever.

i think i deserve this. i think i may die. please kill me.
i think i die.
i die.

25.8.08

Arthur




is fcuking great.

Who is Edward Cullen anyway?
Why am I so confused?