have yourself a very merry christmas!

Christmas is almost over.. an hour to go, according to our clock here in toronto.
i have to admit i'm a little sad about christmas being over.. for me, christmas is something far greater then an excuse to give and get gifts.
i love that extra time we can spend with our families and loved ones. i do .. i really love that feeling.
merry christmas everyone. hope everyone had a wonderful day, and hope everyone who is going through a hard time also found some peace today.
much love you guys!

friends? do you mean the tv show?

remember kids, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
(just imagine your parents telling you this at a young age, i sure wish mine did, hehe.)
it's a fact, agreed?
discuss.

lost me, somewhere in the crowd.

so a stranger now - friend once- decided to re-enter my life today. i was happy for a split second, i truly was. now i feel sadder than ever.
i actually think i may be suffering from a form of depression. i feel like within the last two years, i abandoned my friends and family. i closed up, i swear i'm not that "sweet, funny, bubbly" person i used to be.
i feel like a chunk of me is missing, that i lost a piece of myself over the past few months.
as i lost friend after friend, i kind of realized what friends were worth.
though i don't regret losing these friends, it happened for the best, i can't seem to open up to anyone else that has entered my life.
i feel intimidated by some friends, and feel like i don't belong sometimes. i don't know if everyone goes through a phase like this or even if this is "normal".
i know some of you may have read my post about my brother, well it's still getting to me. i don't know how to find closure for that and many other things in my life.
i miss working with my friends, i lost that job when i injured my foot earlier this year, i want to re -apply but feel a little embarrassed.
i think that i should move on, but i really miss working with my friends and just being around people i LOVE all day.
i mean the new job is awesome, i love it, but it's nothing compared to my old job, and my old memories.
family life is still a bit on the rocks.. we have our moments, at times i want to cry my eyes out and scream right in the middle of the living room, and other times, we laugh, giggle at the stupid things my dogs do.
but being someone else is really hard. i really want to be me again. i'm crying, but it feels good to cry, i've kept this in for a few weeks and didn't know who to tell.
so here i am, exposed, once again.
i want to go cry in bed, i just wake up happier, i really hope it works. wish me luck.
xx

rude people should go die.

is it just me or are people getting ruder by the freaking minute?

there are those who just make unnecessary comments, then those who take physical actions that make them look stupid.

there are so many pet peeves that i have that make cringe when it comes to people;

people texting or talking on the phone when others are around, it's SO annoying. and how do you approach these people?

i had a friend who was always on the phone, and she would just answer her phone/talk on it for hours, ignoring everyone else and i wanted to punch her nose in.

then there's the guy who can't stop texting, equally ANNOYING.

there's that lady who was never on time at work, there were two of them actually, they would both take the longest breaks, you know 4 hour long breaks for an 8 hour shift, i'm dead serious. one of them actually went in to do her taxes during one of these breaks, and never came back to work, well came in 10 mins before her shift ended to sign out. stupid bitch.

it sucked because the rest of the girls would cover up for these fully grown women, in their 40s!

okay another thing was being ignored, my cousin's girlfriend, i hope she reads this someday. what she would do is pretend she didn't hear you. you would be having a conversation and then bam. the conversation ended but you didn't know. it was quite sad, i did talk to my cousins sister, my other cousin about this, and she said his girlfriend was "just like that". she deserves a kick on the tit. thank god she lives in germany and i don't have to see her face hopefully ever again.

okay so, when you try to help a friend out, when they are either doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them, and they counter attack you, thinking you were trying to be rude, like fuck off.

then there's the friend who doesn't stop talking about a particular person, that they are dating or like, i mean okay fine, i'll listen to you for a minute or two, but fuck off, i don't care what he said about this other girl. if i hear this one girl talk about this guy again, i'm going to pull out my own hair, one by one.

and because i have worked one on one with customers, i have started to chronically hate people.

they can be so rude, and i'm talking mainly about women, those who think other people are below them, bitch, if i wasn't at work, i'd rip off your scalp, take out your brain and shove it up your ass. if you have been through this, you know EXACTLY what i am talking about.

i can't believe some people. seriously.

i'm sure you all have your own experiences with people in your life, who have either ruined your day or parts of your life.

i guess you have to learn to either ignore them or approach them straight in the face, especially if they are your friends, it's hard, but you have to try.

ughhhh.

honesty-ism yay or nay?

is honestly ALWAYS the best policy?
i really wonder if it is worth losing important people in your life, or should we stick to white lies and keep us whole?
i've lost many friends by being honest.
so here goes another story of my life from the past..
so she was a friend from when we were in middle school, we became awfully close and were basically known as one person, you the sisterly-best friend.
any who, she dated a really annoying, nasty, makes-you-sick type of guy, eventually after a year almost (oh my god i know), they broke up and eventually we could laugh at the situation (after a few long, painful months ofcourse). so we decided we would always be honest to eachother no matter what, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. and this was a pact made when we were about 14.
we were happy friends, she wasn't the nicest person to others, but she was very nice to me, she was the type of person that was scared of people who were not like her, in other words, probably as ignorant as it gets.
any who, we continued on with life, she found a new boyfriend, who was really whippable - and she enjoyed whipping him, she really did. i finally found a guy i wanted to try being in a relationship, she was 15 at the time, i was 16 (we're 10 months apart but in the same year), i know i sound like a stupid 16 year old looking for a boy, but i was a typical girl looking for her fairytale. but ofcourse there was no fairytale, me and one of the many ex's broke up after a year. i mean it was fun when we were together, we went to the movies, the ex-best friend, her gay boyfriend, me and the ex number one went on dates together, almost every weekend, we did everything together. we had alot of fun.
but that was just the fun part, so me and the ex-best friend grew apart and got closer at the same time, if you know what i mean, now we had boyfriends we could talk to, who needed a girlfriend anyways right?
her boyfriend and i had a special relationship, it's called enemies.
i hated him, he was such a whipped little bitch type guy, i hate those.
he did everything she said and more, he stopped talking to his family at 16, because she didn't like them, and what was worse was that she didn't do anything for him, not to any great extent atleast.
she also had helicopter parents and two older brothers. she was a spoiled little brat that got everything but wasn't allowed to use the bus at 16, pathetic.
so every time she had to go see her boytoy, who she wasn't really allowed to see (she wasn't allowed to date, her mother was religious and she came from a south asian decent), she would use me as an excuse (this happens alot to me, ugh) by telling her mother she was hanging out with me while she was with him, and sometimes i'd have to third wheel with her and him(UGHHH) me being stupid, i went along with it, and sat there while my best friend made out/played around with this little whipped puss guy. god how i hated him and now her too. this was a couple of days after my 17th birthday, we were three best friends, and i asked her to come to my birthday party sans her boytoy, and it would be the three girls out for dinner, you guessed it, she brought him. so it was time for me to come clean, but i couldn't do it.. so i took my time, stopped talking to her as much and eventually told her that he was a little bitch and how i hated her using me.

so she went off about me being jealous of her "relationship" and me not being in a relationship had caused me to be a bitch about hers. ugh. shut up.

any who -

we stopped talking for a year, then the other best friend wanted me to invite her to my 18th birthday, so we did and she brought the boy toy, once again, but we had invited two guys with us too, which made him a little less awkward. things weren't the same obviously, and since my 18th birthday, we haven't talked much. and now i don't talk to the other best friend either, i don't know how it all happened but it did, and i'm glad it did at an early age, rather then now, or in the future.

so back to my point, is being honest worth a relationship?

i think it is, because i've lost many friends like that, but i don't think they were worth being friends with if they thought i'd sit back and lie to them, i'd rather lose a friend then my dignity and my natural honestly.

so girls, fuck them, fuck the stupid guys who try to make you feel like shit, or use you, throw them out before they throw you out of their life, and honest is the best policy, because one way or another, the truth does eventually come out.

xx

s.a.

[will eat poo for friend]

friendship. what is it really?
doesn't it suck when you misjudge people and categorize them as friends or enemies?
then they end up being the total opposites.
some people truly suck.
then you have the true friends, you know the ones that are truly with you no matter what.
but those are so hard to find.
ugh.
why is it so hard to find true friends?
true people? is it just me or are people categorizing friends as an accessory rather then a necessity?
or are they actually an accessory?
i'm confused.
xx
.

your worst enemies.

they smile with you, they laugh at you.
who are they and what do they want?
they seem to want you happy, but seeing you happy kills them a little.

they talk to you, but they conversate about you.
they stab, protect, love and hate you.
you wonder if everytime you argue-
you don't argue, you disagree, what does it mean?

why do they pretend to care?
why are they even there?

they use you, abuse you, and when they are done, they throw you out.
you're nothing but a meer rag.
you are nothing.
you don't cry, laugh, or feel anything.

they are your worst enemies and your best friends.
we call them best friends, close friends or just simply, friends.