happpy anniversaryyyy <3

i'd like to wish a very happy on year anniversary to..

[drum rolls please]

my LABRET!

it's a lifetime commitment, i swear. it's been exactly a year.

but it feels like it's been forever, i love love it.

eeeee. there she is. right under my lip.

ex this or ex that.

i hate it when you talk to an ex or something, and they say "we can be friends and such"
but you both know that's merely impossible. then why, WHY must we lie and pretend all is good? and when it does come time to talking, even by accident, we either chicken out by running away, or we converse and just let the conversation take an awkward turn. doesn't life kinda suck when you lose friends due to dating? i'm talking about either the friends you date, or the friends who hate you dating.
hmph. everything happens for a good reason.
i'm waiting on the reason.
i do have regrets in life.
xx

s.a

CHEESECAKE THERAPY NEEDED.

i like to think that i'm not a typical woman
you know, the stereotypical kind, addicted to chocolate, cheesecake, and romantic movies.
but, BUT, i am, minus the romantic movies... OKAY fine, i lied, i'm as stereotypical as it gets, and frankly, i want to watch a good episode of sex and the city right now, eat some cheesecake and drink some cold iced tea.
it's the best getaway, i swear, a vacation at home, everynight, unfortunately this vacation ends on my ass.

breeeezy.

So i had an early adventure on the bus today, i left early for a salon appointment. it's really humid here today, with a light breeze every now and then. when i woke up, it looked cold, so i wore closed toed shoes, UGH. big mistake. anywho, it was HOT so i wore a cotton button up tunic type blouse.
so when i was on my way back, i was sweating like a dog, i felt gross, and i wanted to die. so i stood there on the bus, and i noticed this older man, in his 30's staring at me, well at my chest. so i gave him a dirty look, he looked to his friend, then his friend was staring at me, he smiled and looked away.
i wasn't sure, i mean it's not the first time a man is staring at a young girl, its the usual story. but there was nothing to see, i looked like hell, and the lady fucked up my bangs, so i looked like a retarded boy.
that could have been the reason they were staring i figured.
so i was on the next bus now, i sat down next to a guy. he looked at me, my chest, back at me and smiled. ugh. i was getting a bit pissy by now.
a few more people walked by. stared. no one said/did anything.
so it was time for me to get off and i looked down to pick up my purse and there it was. the missing button and my bra.
i pulled out a scarf out of my purse with super human speed and put it on. i felt SO embarrased i practically ran off the bus.
there you have it.
exposed. stripped. and no woman came to my rescue. it kills me because i didn't even notice the extra breeze, maybe it was a good breeze?

i still feel a little naked.
xx

.

so like..

i fell asleep watching the most weirdest documentary, it was about how long it will take for the world to recover from the "domestication/urbanization" caused by humans.
it kinda bugged me, but i liked watching it,
then i fell asleep and woke up with a headache, a sore throat, and the back of my ears burn.
i blame the show.
ugh.

feed me bitches.

so i ate too much.
but i like myself and my girls fat. pudgy. mmm.

wow.

yesterday was a day to be remembered, and i'm still stuck in yesterday until i head to bed.

it started like a regular day for me, i woke up, showered, got ready for my doctor's appointment, went on my computer and talked to a friend. before i knew it, it was time for me to head out to the appointment.

so i went in, only to find out that my appointment was next fucking week. yes, yes i was very angry. the stupid lady at the desk claimed that he was completely booked, and i believed her because he is a hard-to-get-a-hold-of type doctor.

so i left, disappointed, pissed off, saying fuck loud enough that every old woman sitting the office gave me the "girls nowadays" look. i just barged out and went on my way. so i came home to a wrecked car, my brothers to be precise, and i could just hear my dad yelling, but i had heard the real show the night before, when it actually happened.

the couple that he got into the accident with decided that they would come over with an offer, without getting the insurance involved ofcourse, we agreed and so they came.
they were an older european couple, and a bit racist, which they admitted.

as some of you can tell from my pictures, i'm a person of colour, i'm middle eastern, anywho they came in asking for $6000. this was for an old grand prix, from the early 90's. i guess they thought we were really stupid.

they actually told my brother to date someone his own kind, my brother is dating a polish girl, and that was apparently something people shouldn't do, because according to that man, coloured people don't mix with non coloured people, and yes i'm being alot nicer then he was.

i wanted to punch him on the nose, and his wife sat there, on our couch, yelling at my parents like it was something they did. my parents are very mellow, very quiet, they don't say anything. so ofcourse, i'm a loud, kind of obnoxious type person, i got in and just asked them what their problem was and what not. i screamed a bit, just little over them, and they both shut up.

well the husband kept making racist jokes, the wife laughed, we sat there in this really awkward situation, after talking about random shit, they finally left, mind you, we barely talked about the actual situation.

anywho, that night we decided that we would call them and let them know that this was it, and that we were going to the insurance company and what not.
so we're just working everything out now.

the point of this post was to see, do people like getting accidents now? that getting into one means they'll get all the money in the world, even though someone could have gotten hurt? they think that calling the police or whatever scares people. it's a sad, sad world.
people are so pathetic.
plus i'm angry right now, sort of.
ugh.
bye guys.

xx
s.a.

get me an m.d. ... NOW!

so i got a call about my blood test results.. i have to go in this thursday and see what is wrong this time.

i know something is wrong because they don't call you in for fun, he warned me, if he calls me in, something is up, once again.

i'm one of those people that hates to be sick but is honestly always, ALWAYS sick. but this time i'm a little scared, i really wonder what is wrong. i mean i don't feel so sick, but then again, i usually don't and then boom, i have some really random thing wrong.

take this for example, the last time i fell sick was when i came home from europe, i felt like i had gotten something in and around my flight, i was coughing, to the point where my stomach would hurt. then my chest started to hurt and i kept getting spasms, and it was time to go see mr. dr.

and i went in, and to my great surprize, i had bronchitis, i don't know how, i don't from where... well actually i have a clue, i had to run in the rain in sweden with my cousin, it always rains there during the summer. but yeah.. that was another thing, i got well after two weeks or so, it wasn't fun though.

but this time, i really, honestly have no idea.

i hope it's something minor. i'm crossing my fingers in fear.

ok bye for now

xx

s.a.

insomniac.

where am i and what am i doing?

i can't sleep. eek.

it's me again, sry.

hello, hi, who am i?

i love how everyone thinks they know me.
i think my distance from everyone secretly scares them.
there are those who tell me what to do, what not to do,
how fat i am, or how terrible my hair looks when it is curly.
then there are those, who say the opposite things, but deep down, they all think the same, afterall, we're only human, who said we always have to be honest?
last night, someone told me, that deep down inside, everyone has a bit of hate for me.
the sad thing is, i think he was right.
i told him he was, he agreed to it.
i asked if he hated me deep down, he said yes, he laughed, i believed him.

i think it's just who i am, i'm on my own, i have my own mind, my own voice, and it scares people.
am i okay with that? definately. being a woman with more power then her follow man, i think having power, assertiveness sets you apart, from the crowd.
i tend to intimidate people sometimes, sometimes i get really intimidated, both work to my disadvantage according to my significant friends. i personally believe and know that it is only making me stronger, the hatered, the minimal love.

i don't think me being me should be a threat to people. but who am i to tell others what they should or shouldn't feel right? they can decide for themselves.
if i am going to be the only woman with a real voice, a real personality- so be it.
i pity the friends that have lost me, because i was their reality crutch, now i stand back and watch them fall.
it's sad really, that most of the women i know are more concerned with popping out kids, rather then worrying about their futures, careers, their laughter, and happiness- that most of these women are ending up in terrible relationships with men who are nothing but scum. who am i to judge, i am nothing but a single girl, working towards her career, without the support of a man. because the last thing i need is a whiny penis trying to boss me around. thank you very much.

well that's it for now, i may be back in a bit, considering there is alot on my mind.
toodles and follow the rainbow people, follow it.
i'm just a queen of my domain.

with love,
s.a.

the caste system.

does is still exist in today's western society?

in my opinion, it does, outside the walls of india, we see the caste system in daily life.
i've lived in india, i've seen the detrimental effects on the society and it's people.

it's a bit painful to even imagine that educated individuals in our western society can judge people by their wealth and categorize them in a certain harmful manner.

you have the elite - the billionaires, the ceo's of large corporations,
the upper class - they think they're it, they are the ones driving brandname cars, dressing their children in brandnames, and killing their individuality,
the middle class - they work for these large corrupt companies, they make a living and maybe just a little more for saving or paying for their children's education
then we have the low, the poor people in our society, finding it hard to make ends meet, they're sometimes new to the country and treated like half the humans that they are.

it's pathetic that we live like this..
i'm proud to say in somewhat middle class, our family makes ends meet, we don't have to boast about what we have, to fake our lives.
i know several families in denial, who are willing to judge others, but obviously not looking into their homes, their lives.

i think the caste system goes hand in hand with materialism, and certain ego issues that people suffer from nowadays.
materialism kills me, i HATE materialistic people, because i think it's a little pathetic to see people get excited about spending 1ox more money on things and acting like it wasn't made in a sweatshop with everything else in china or india, where children who are from "lower" castes are forced without choice to work hours on end- it just is embarassing for our world.

UGHHHH i'm done.

your worst enemies.

they smile with you, they laugh at you.
who are they and what do they want?
they seem to want you happy, but seeing you happy kills them a little.

they talk to you, but they conversate about you.
they stab, protect, love and hate you.
you wonder if everytime you argue-
you don't argue, you disagree, what does it mean?

why do they pretend to care?
why are they even there?

they use you, abuse you, and when they are done, they throw you out.
you're nothing but a meer rag.
you are nothing.
you don't cry, laugh, or feel anything.

they are your worst enemies and your best friends.
we call them best friends, close friends or just simply, friends.

stupid corporations.

honestly,
big corporations scare me.
they really do, that's why i have always wanted to be my own boss..
so that i wouldn't have to sleep with someone just to get ahead in life..

it really depresses me when i even think about women trying to get somewhere..
i mean i was talking to my sister about this, and we came to the conclusion that large corporations are corrupt and no one wants to admit it.

i think the main reason that i ever even thought about being a journalist was to be the voice for the unspoken.
i know people are hurting, i've worked with these women who have let people walk all over them, without a choice ofcourse, but live a life daily, just suffering in their own skin.
and i know they can't say much because, they need a way to feed themselves and their families.

i truly feel their pain, but it's not like i'm the only person who knows this.
i'm sure that every person behind this, the government, people working under these corporations know exactly what i am trying to say.

i hate sounding like i feel sorry for people, because i don't. i just want to make a difference .. i just wish the world was a more equal place.
i wish there really was no racism, which btw, pisses me off because, people act like it's not out there, but when you step into someone's safe haven, you hear the truth. i know i have. and it hurts.

i fucking hate people with unnecessary power. kill me if you don't agree, because you probably are one of them.

this one's to the company i once worked for. i hate you.

Maybe we're better off this way.

we watch eachother die, we cry.
no one's happy. everyone wants to smile, to love,
but we're all alone aren't we?
we come to this world, alone, cold,
unable to speak, think, or rationalize anything-
and that is exactly how we leave.

we love it when someone cries for us, dies for us,
we want to be held, kissed,
we're an element of our own creation,
we kill, we save eachother, sometimes we don't know why-
if we don't help eachother, or kill eachother, will we ever change?
will we ever have peace?

aren't we all the same on the inside?
flesh, blood, bones, we have one heart, one soul.
some are tainted, others are pure-
we use our minds' to our advantage,
we get what we want, need, crave.

we feel for ourselves, we feel our own pain-
no one else really matters.

ugh. school.

school is SOOO confusing.
especially when you are JUST getting out of highschool and need to decide as soon as possible,
and managing to keep everyone happy.
we ofter forget ourselves.
as for myself, i applied to university right at the end of highschool, picked something so very random and dropped out by the end of summer.
Then i worked for a year, decided that i HAD to do it this time, so i applied again, but this time it was something i liked.. and thennnnn, i dropped out again, this time for the fear of studying itself.
it's soo much harder to get back in study-mode once you get out.
sometimes i wish i just dove in the first time around.. or even the second time.. i'd be happier the second time around, because it was something i moderately liked.
it's okay
it's better to know rather then waster your time + money.
now, NOW i will apply and get to school this winter. hehe
it's my turn now, for sure.

so ladies and gentledies,
don't worry if you don't know right away, just take your time, but stay on track. you have to get in somehow, but if you aren't really sure, think about it. parents will just be parents.
<3

FREAKS!

Are all men freaks?

So you start to get close to someone and you realize or see something odd.
Either you ignore that fact, or you dispose of him, then you move on to the next freak.

You worry that you may die alone, because frankly, men aren't doing it for you.
Is it better to be alone or to just ignore it all and live with him? Let him be your life even though you cannot stand him? I guess that's what alot of us do.

We worry about what others will think, what mom or your perfect sister may think, it's okay.

Afterall, women, men, your mother, we are all freaks at heart. Either you realize it, or you never do.
Be careful. Think about it.

beautiful people.

i loveeeeee this show.

wedding bells.

do most women marry just to get some sort of validation from other women?

i feel like i'm watching all the 20-something year old women around me trying so hard to tie the knot.

i feel like screaming and saying DON'T! .. but who am i to speak? a stupid 19 year old..

little do they know, what i see from the outside is nothing but the truth.



women don't HAVE to marry to be someone..

why don't men have that same pressure?

marriage isn't the answer to your life's problems, infact it might just add onto what you already have going on. be careful before you get yourself involved and kill your independence. think about it.

does smoking really kill? or is it just you?

maybe all men are a drug.
sometimes they really let you down.. and other times.. they get you high, really high.
damn.
it would have been so cool if I didn't turn around.
he looked, he winked.
hey, you can't help but get addicted, excited
you have to experiment right? then you either give up, or you stay addicted.
pass me a lighter. i'm stuck.

single with a red flag.

So, since when did being single translate into being gay?
I mean, your single for a week and suddenly, you have a terminal AND contagious disease, and no one dares to even eye you.
But being a leper is what I do best.
Kill me if I lie, but don't you see, the hardest part of life is when you are single and not looking?
People worry, and friends... what friends? Think about it.



.