Playing with fire

When they're there but don't know how to be there.
It's probably impossible to make someone care for you the way you care for them.
This really takes a toll on any relationship. I've struggled to keep trust alive when I honestly don't think you are honest with me.. even with the stupidest of things.
It is a horrendous feeling to feel the things I do right now.
I am really scared for myself. I have never felt so alone in my life.
I cannot express the thought processes in my mind right now. I am just scared I may have fallen to deep into something I should have avoided from the beginning. They were right when they said I am not the right person for them. They were right when they said it felt as if I was building a relationship based on my own feelings. I cannot trust your feelings anymore I am so utterly hurt I don't know.

I just don't know..

And the plot thickens

Yeah you're right
Not any better.. much worse.
I'm dealing with emotions that are far too complex for me to comprehend right now.
I couldn't imagine these emotions would creep back up but here they are.
I feel so alone right now and I should be comforting my mother during this difficult time and I can't summon up the courage to do so.
I'm afraid she would have to console my emotions and I will not be able to do anything for her.
I feel like a failure sometimes and this is one of those times.
This is a tough feeling to grasp. It's almost unbelievable.

Rest in peace dear soul.. you didn't deserve to go like this.

Lost

I struggle with accepting the truth
I know when something is wrong
I always know
But I have never had the strength to accept the truth
I have a tendency to put my own feelings on the back burner and I'm always left burnt
I think the first step in my life would be to understand my worth
I need to learn how to accept and put myself first.
I watched the women in my life always stare from a distance though my father always told us not to.

My daddy always told me to be my own hero. He told me to be strong and not let any man walk all over me. And my whole life I've done nothing but disobey his one rule.

I need to find myself.

I'm lost.