flakelationship

when you talk the talk, you're expected to walk the walk. in essence, you must keep your word and follow with action.

no one realizes where you stand in life, no one will ever truly know how you feel unless you let them feel it. emotional intimacy is probably one of the deepest, most sacred part of a relationship; any given relationship, and not just romantic ones.

the funniest part is, everyone talks about their feelings, confesses love, tells mommy about the new boy, but does anyone actually feel what you're feeling? oh you had a new baby, "i'm so HAPPY for you!" but most of the time you don't actually physically care. you may truly be happy for them.. but isn't it still fabricated because it is not the same feeling you would get unless that child was say your sibling's new baby? there is nothing wrong with that, emotional disconnect is natural in my opinion, we don't outwardly show these opinions and say "great, new baby, moving on" to anyone.. but it doesn't mean we don't feel it.

what is really my point? well this thought evoked me as i lay in my bed trying to fall asleep for the last three hours. i feel a cold dawning upon my poor soul but the stress of this emotional disconnect is making me want to cry. but there are no tears because i have no idea why i am sad.

actually, maybe i have some idea. that guy i sort of like, is in a "fake" relationship with me, and the best part is that i know, but i don't want to call out his bluff. i'm enjoying the "flakelationship" okay now that made me cry a little. it is so sad. i know some of you may have giggled but really though.. it's sad. we have a somewhat meaningful friendship to the outside world, he's great at fooling everyone, but he isn't fooling me.. except that i am still smiling when he pretends to give a shit. i have to admit it feels good to have someone give a shit. however, that shit-giving is short lived because it has to end. because in retrospect, i am fooling no one but me. he knows what he's for and he's assuming i have no idea. i'm enjoying the game but i'm scared of heart break. truth is, i don't know how to end it.

Okay, i must resume my stress eating right now. any suggestions are welcome!