early saturday morning. almost 1 am.. usually am in bed, but since i have nothing to look forward to tomorrow, i'll stay up longer.
there are many things on my mind tonight, almost all are confusing and can't be put into words.
i feel like i need to cry to feel better, but i don't have anything to cry about.
it's just that the world feels a little gloomy, mr. mcqueen's death shook me a bit. though there's no personal connection; i feel the world has lost an amazing talent, his work was truly breathtaking and i doubt anyone will ever be able to match up to his level in haute couture.
his death made me wonder how my world will be if something sudden were to happen * knock on wood* would i be able to live through it? when i was younger the thought of loosing my parents made me cry, a lot. today, i'm older, practically on my own at 21, still at home, but mentally alone, i feel that it's reality, really sad reality. the thought still makes me cry, and i never want to accept it.
whenever i hear that someone has lost someone in their family, i really don't know how they deal with it. i really don't know and it breaks my heart everytime. especially a parent, i don't know, or a child. it's difficult i bet but i hope i never have to know.
about a month ago, my cousin passed away from complications of surgery, she was 30 and had 5 young kids. the youngest only a few months old. to be honest, i didn't know her well, but i cried, because i felt her husband's pain, i felt my mother's sorrow, and i thought about her children who probably didn't understand.
not a day goes by that i don't feel the fear of death, not for myself, but for loosing someone, how does one not think about it, or how does one get over this fear? help.
4 comments:
When I heard about his death I was very shocked!I almost cried and couldn't belive it.
Those news made me wonder alot too...
Eleanor
http://eleanor-fashion-nerd.blogspot.com/
Hello,
You may know the saying: Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
To face the fear, you have to live, as much as possible.
And never let any occasion go by to tell the people you love how much you care So that later you won't wish that you had.
stephanie
We lost my father-in-law on March 1 after a month of deteriorating in a hospital bed. It's almost like I spent February in a parallel universe. And then we had a week funeral planning as a distraction, but at night, alone inside our head, was the worst. Then suddenly, there was no more doctors to call, test results to interpret, insurance companies to curse. There were no more long hours sitting in a dark room while he slept. There was nothing left to do.
It still feels like he'll just walk into the room at any time. Still unreal.
oh my. i'm really sorry to hear that!
losing someone close to you is the worst.. it's hard to appreciate who and what you have until it's gone.
i wish you the best of luck; he's in a better place. <3
Post a Comment